off the record

Officially Closed

2007-05-18T00:10:00.000+08:00

My blog has been closed officially.
It means that this entry would be the last one.

Please relink my new blog:
Annice Notebook
Thanks a lot.

Took the Plunge!

2007-05-17T23:31:00.000+08:00

I've decided what I want to do. Well, I've done it in fact.
Hmm.. I know I have to take the risk. And it is really NOT me who has made this kind of decision.

Dunno what am I talking about? Yah, I also don't know how to say it.
Anyways..ya, it should be okey by then.

I am a Christian

2007-04-27T08:55:00.000+08:00

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting, "I'm clean living'."
I'm whispering, "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow!

The Gifts

2007-04-19T12:45:00.000+08:00

Thanks God.

You know, when you are away at home, and at one time you feel that it is different, it is strange to not to celebrate your birthday with your family. It has been years, to be exact 18 years, that I always celebrated my birthday with my family. I must have gotten my cake, my noodle, my eggs, and my small-big party (I choose what I want).

But since I came to Perth, I sometimes thought I wouldn't get those 'enjoyments' from my family again. Well, at least for 4 years, during my study. Guess I'm wrong. I may not have a dinner party, may not get a present from my parents, may not hang out with friends at mall (like in high school times), but the very most important thing is that I have these beautiful gifts.

First, I got a very nice sweater from Payal, Apple, and dear Li-Shan. I like the sweater. I just never expected to get that (because of the price -.-). But, my point is... I feel that I meet you guys not by chance or 'accident' XD.. I feel that God gives me the right place, the right people, the right time and yaa.. everything. Haha.. Especially, after reading the card, all of you said that you've found wonderful and nice friend ^___________________^ *Yuuu my head is getting bigger* Okay. Okay. Serious. I just thank God I have the greatest friends here^^

Next, another gift... the cutie tigger. A very big cup. Thanks to Vicki. I do appreciate it. You still remember me when you were on holiday in Malaysia. Hehe... Anyways, another 'confession' card that touches my heart. Ciee... I don't know how to say it. But I guess, I was reminded that even though I might lose contact with her, I still have her as my good friend. ^_____________^

Fiuh...thank you Lord. My birthday gift may be different from last time. But truthful gratitude indeed means a lot to me.

I turned 20! SURPRISE!!

2007-04-19T10:23:00.000+08:00

20!
twenty.
hatachi.
haha...

What a surprise indeed. I guess I was thinking too much about that matter, then I just forgot that the time was ticking so fast. And you know, my innocent-looked housemate, Apple, was wonderfully convincing. She asked me to go with her to Yi Wei's house to take some books that according to her were very important at that VERY moment. I didn't know what I was thinking about, but I just trusted her WITHOUT questioning anything.

Then, the worst thing was that the weather outside was very cold. ARGH... You know I got my first day, and how weak I was at that time =P So I was thinking... 'get the book, Apple then go back home, I need to rest.' Well, it didn't turn out to be really successful. Reaching home, I was about to open the door. I got the keys, but either Shu Yan or Payal pushed at the door. I was frustated..I thought they were joking about that. House F loves to do that, right. So, I was thinking..probably because it was my birthday tonight, they were keen to bully me. hehe...sorry gals.

TAM TAM, when the door was opened. All the light were turned off. There was a beautiful cake surrounded by candles and flowers on the dining table. So pretty. I was so touched ^______^

What a surprise!! I really really appreciate it. Everyone involved. Apple, Payal, Li-Shan, Shu Yan, Pei Ying.. Love you all!! It was just too great..

Mode [waiting to get my birthday pic- promise I will upload it]

Mmm...

2007-04-14T14:42:00.000+08:00

Ok. 受不了。。
I'm in the state of 'willing to know'. Well, I guess it's not that bad until I'm 'dying to know'.
Argh...but,
this is so annoying, indeed. I want to know the answer!

What am I talking about?
Argh... I'm myself confused with IT...
どうしよ。

Ok, enough..
Juz intermezzo, I will make a new blog^^.
not an important news.. yaa... but I'm getting bored with blogger. I need a new layout and features...

Mmm.. got to go back to my study. Bye.

Ethnic Minority, Identity, and Chinese Indonesian

2007-03-28T10:34:00.000+08:00

May I ask you a question? Which ethnic are you belong to? :)

Don't be upset with the question above, I'm not such a racist moron, asking around this question. I don't know why, but I've been interested in this matter since my last summer holiday. On top of all that, this is one of the topics in my Asian Studies class.

Just a brief summary, I might define ethnicity as a group of people who shares same culture, same language, and it may have a similar way of living. Ethnic groups may fall into different categories, depending on how you define it. Let's say, you see people based on the race, you might be thinking that Chinese from mainland China and those who live outside the country are just the same, one ethnic. However you might ignore the fact that they speak different languages.

Anyways, I'm Indonesian Chinese. I'm from the most crowded island in Indonesia, which is Java. And I won't address myself as a Javanese, cos I'm in no way look like them. And if you ask me, where my ancestors come from. I know my parent told me, my dad family spoke Hakka dialect(which I don't know where it's from), and mom side is from Fujian.

Ok. So the point is.. I am studying this ethnicity issue in Asia. How one ethnic is different to others, and also about the minority ethnics, are they being disadvantaged or not, etc.

I just find this interesting, especially when I look at my own country^^.

Indonesia has the biggest number of ethnic groups in the world. It's more than 1,000 ethnic groups, accounting for 1/6 of the total ethnics in the world.　With Javanese as the first major ethnic, the number of minorites in Indonesia still exceeds the number of Javanese people. I don't know it should be a pride or not, because actually when you look into the living society, we have huge problems regarding ethnicity issue.

I'll give you an example, one out of hundreds of problems. Chinese Indonesian! It's probably a cliche, but, anyway.. If you ask this question to them, "你是哪国人?" Ask them in Chinese. They can say "I'm Indonesian", or may be "Saya orang Indonesia". But it's just difficult for them to say "我是印尼人"。

Well, I believe it's just the matter of losing an identity. It results from past experiences. The Chinese Indonesians have been treated unfairly in education, government policy, and many others. The Government made everything difficult for them. For example, in terms of work, they generally had no choice other than opening up their own business.

Wondering the reason, there is no surprise they can't admit they are 'Indonesian'. They would say "I am Indonesian" WITH an extra information "ethnic Chinese" in the end. It's a bit strange, I reckon. Here in Australia I found that they didn't say "Indonesian Chinese" (in English), however, in indonesia they indeed said that 印尼华人 (in Chinese), 'cos they definitely can't say they are Chinese (中国人). They neither live nor were born in China.

I realized Indonesian Chinese want to be seen as 'different', since they were treated differently. In one way, they were forced to accept the idea of unity. On the other hand, they didn't get the basic need to be admitted as the way they were.

Nevertheless, the good news is... the situation is slightly different now. It's getting better. Since the Government no longer banned Chinese characters, and decided Chinese new year become a national holiday, Chinese Indonesians feel being 'more accepted' as an ethnic minority.

A good indication, I suppose. Even though it's still a long way to go to 'heal the pain' from the past, slowly but surely, they will proudly say,"我们是印尼人".

Okay, so that's just one of many examples. I can't write anymore since I might use lots of space. And also, sorry for such a heavy topic. Gomen ne minnasan. Got to go now^^!!

Adon Rocks!!!

2007-03-25T16:24:00.000+08:00

Blessed. Yap, indeed I'm blessed to see his performances.

For you who don't know who Adon is... He is an Indonesian Christian singer. He was actually a vocalist of one Indoesian group band, called Base Jam. But then, I guess, he is now focusing on serving God by his music.

Well, what I wanna say... It was a super duper great performance. I could just feel the emotion within the song. And it's trueee, he was telling his story of seven-year life without God. And I'm so touched by how God brought him back to His right way.

Anyways, one song (I hope I will have uploaded in my blog by the time I post this entry) is about the salvation that Jesus has given for FREE (no fee applicable :P). From the beginning til the end, it is just arranged nicely. Oh... I love this song.

Yap, yap..I got his autograph and a picture with him as well. I'm waiting for my friend to send the pic to me. Arghhh... my name is written there!!! ^^

Btw, for an extra information, he's such a low-profile guy. I heard that he helped roll up the cable. Can you believe that? If I were him, I would probably be busy giving my autographs =P

Okay, gtg. I will update soon, once I get the pic.

Random One

2007-03-23T10:07:00.001+09:00

Long time no blog. It's been a month. Okay, that's simply becos my busy timetable (cieilehhh^^)...yap, seriously, I'm quite busy this semester.

Update from me. Let me do it in bullet points^^--->random.
~ Starting from my course, I'm doing third-year Chinese unit, Japanese, a compulsory unit for asian studies, and PR technique.

~ I love my Japanese unit.
My 先生(read:sensei) has been working so hard to make 'language partner' program possible. Everyone in my Japanese class has 1-2 language partner, definitely we pair up with Japanese. And...we're supposed to spend 1 hour in a week with them talking in JAPANESE, and the funniest thing is we must get their signature on the sheet, give that to sensei, and sensei will be happy^^.

~ It seems that I was given choices, and choices, these past few weeks.
Okay, one was my JOB, to give it up or not. Struggling for an answer >.<, I've decided to remain working there. And another one...mmm censored^^, I know my decision, it's just I don't know how to deal with it.

~ Mm.. I'm commited to be more 'looking for God's will in me', i.e. closer to Him.
Indonesian says 'abis-abisan deh'. Haha.. Yap, and.. it's not because I want to be nutty or may be holy-looking girl..No! Believe me, I've got my own reason to do so.

~ I'm thankful for my life now. I just feel, and believe it's true, that God has given me the best people surrounding me. When I think of the first time I know Him, it's just too much to call everything a coincidence. It's just..I feel even though Perth is super boring, I've got the best in me. I'm meant to be here (:

~ I'm also thinking about chances of getting student exchange to Japan.
I was told that international students were also eligible to get it (not only locals). And the good thing is... scholarship is available, even though it's very few.

~ Last but not least, I'm struggling with PR unit. It's just hard to write news in english. I mean...it's not my first language. That's what I always complain about. And, I've been living here for only one and half year... Arghh...okay, stop blabbering, annice. Wake up!!!

Chinese New Year, Chun Jie, XIn Jia, whatever the name..

2007-02-20T02:46:00.000+09:00

Backk.... I am back to Perth. been missing my family, friends, and my life in Indo for these past two days. Arghhh... I won't blame the situation nor anyone for me coming to Perth earlier than I thought. God told me it was my choice, and I chose to escape Chinese New Year. Again!

恭喜发财。万事如意，身体健康，我希望大家有banyak rejeki, and blessings given by God. haha...Don't take my crap. Sorry for the last line. Anyways, I'm kinda alone here. Well, it wasn't the first time, last year I did 'escape' this traditional festival. Many people asked me why I didn't stay back till Chinese New Year. Mmmm... my enrolment thingy wouldn't be that important as compared to family gathering at Chinese New Year's eve. And... I could have done this time-consuming enrolment process in just a day, 2 days, 3 days??? The point is...I can if I want.

The bad sides of me... I don't want it that way. I guess it's stress of willingnes to have freedom. I don't know myself. I am feeling a bit guilty right now. I lied somehow. However, I don't regret my choice. If I ever felt homesick these days, that's my own problem.

Okay. Okay. I don't wanna share this kinds story or whatsoever, especially in Chinese New Year. Even though I had an incident that irritated me for a few 'minutes', well I've told myself to forgive and FORGET.

Finally, my closing line...once again, Happy Chinese New Year, Happy 'Pig' Year 2558 to all of you celebrating it (guess all this blog readers are Chinese by blood ^^). Wishing you have a prosperous year. God bless ^^

Holiday Part C: Chinese

2007-01-31T01:30:00.000+09:00

Finally, after week by week, tomorrow would be the end of my suffering^^…

This holiday I have been learning Chinese very hard. I had a Chinese tutor 2 times a week in a 3-week time. I admit to working hard enough in order to progress fast. I am taking Chinese unit as my minor subject next semester. And I believe I may have a placement test to choose the right level for me. Of course, I don’t want to start from the beginner level.

“我前年学华文差不多两年了。” I have forgotten most of the Chinese characters I had learnt. I couldn’t even make the right sentence structure. That’s why I didn’t dare to say a word in Chinese. Well, it wasn’t that bad. I understand when people speak in simple-basic Chinese. It’s just… I don’t feel confident if the words I utter can’t get across.

Anyways, enough with my Chinese background!! Tomorrow will be my last Chinese lesson (it’s the third week)!! I still have one more week holiday, but I want to end it A.S.A.P. Chinese is eating my head. Arghh.. It has taken so much time of mine. I’m really into Chinese. I can’t study Japanese or my next PR units at the same time. It’s not 我老师 fault. She never told me to do that much. It’s me! Annice really feels that she must be able to speak this language!! Yap! Honestly, I really think I could have been able to speak in Chinese if…Ok! Don’t want to regret anything. It’s just… I feel something deep in my heart provoking me… mmm… it’s like my ego that I MUST understand Chinese. Strange, huh?!

So, 我满意了I have done 复习 quite a lot, learnt more usage and detailed sentence structure. Simply speaking, I have made good progress. I am not making a flattering remark, it’s just a self-evaluation. I know it’s such a long way to go to be able to speak like Li-Shan, or Shu Yan, or may be Apple. Wow! But, (I am not being boastful) my tutor said that I learn quite fast. Hehe… (remind me to stay grounded) I am happy!! So… Annice is motivated to achieve her dream!!

It Was a Nightmare

2007-01-27T20:37:00.000+09:00

May be I am too worried, may be I am too sick of the whole situation, I myself don’t know why I dreamt of ‘fight’. God knows me better. Indeed, it was a nightmare that I still remember until now.

I can’t remember the exact day I had my nightmare. I was trying to forget it, comforting myself that it won’t happen in my real life. However, it looked so real until I could feel the fear in my sleep. I always think of the possible causes for that happening in the future. And the more I think of it, the more I feel helpless with it.

I don’t like to say it… that I had a big fight with Mom. Even though it was just a dream, it was too real with all the possible reasons behind it. Perhaps you question, isn’t it easier to simply forget it if it means nothing to you? Yap, that’s true. If there is no way it could happen, I will just forget it.

But, the thing is I really can’t say much about ‘the reason’. Simply speaking, Mom and I have different view on life, the purpose of it, etc. I don’t blame her for it, nor feel guilty because I’m different from her. In the end, she’s still my mom. I am always proud of her for having brought me up.

Holiday Part B: Orphanage

2007-01-11T18:35:00.000+09:00

Ok…so let’s start with the story that I think it has touched my heart, or else it gives me inspiration for my future. It doesn’t mean I never went to an orphanage before. I have been there for several times, to many different places in my city. Well, I’ll tell you what makes it different from the previous ones.

Nothing special with the orphanage, at the very most it only accommodates for boys. So can you imagine I became the prettiest girl among the guys (lame^^). There are about 20 boys aged 4-12; the other 20 guys are in their teens. And of course, I wasn’t alone by myself visiting them. A few days back, my good friend, Ellysia, asked me to join her and her cousin to support some of the orphans in their education. The cousin is the member of Christian fellowship in the US. He was just the representative to bring the fund back to Indonesia and give it to the right one. So basically Elis and I were there to help. On top of everything, they would provide scholarships and other relating important stuff to them.

In the beginning I didn’t know how it was going to work, as in how they were going to transfer the funds, how many people were receiving the scholarships, etc. Until the day when we visited the orphanage, I discovered that we had a small show for them, then followed by presentation of the scholarships.

When the presentation was given, there was one thing that drew my attention. Not only they gave them financial support, but they also encouraged them in being responsible for their education and future. Isn’t it easier to just give away the scholarship? Done!! The presentation went quite long. Many questions arose. Some asked about the faculty (the course) relating to their interests, others asked about the qualifications to get into their dream universities. Additionally, the fellowship would support high school and universities fees only, which I think they are more than enough. Furthermore, only those people who are recommended by their ‘captain’ (i.e. a leader in each different group) got the scholarship. There is no limited numbers for the scholarship given. It’s like the phrase “where there is a will, there is a way”, the fellowship will put efforts in raising funds for the education fees if the orphan boys have strong willingness to achieve their dreams.

I was thinking of what they (as in Ellysia’s cousin, his fellowhip members, and all the people who carried out the show) had been doing. I reflected on myself doing charities. My family (well, actually it’s mom and I) did give some money to charity at least once a year. We sent boxes of instant noodle and sometimes unused clothes to them. But the question is… do you know if there are other more important things than those? They are different individual; and I believe they need different things too. I am not blaming my family for that. I am just thinking if we would like to give, do the best as you can. Sometimes we don’t care of what people needs. We give because we feel it is good to do that; because we have to do so?? I don’t know what you’re guys thinking. My point is… sacrifice a bit more of your time, do care of others, and love them like the way you do it to yourself.

Hehe…I am not just telling you. I am talking to myself as well. It’s hard to practice; but I want to learn. As I told you before, it inspires me. Well, at least it inspired me to write a story ^^. Hope someday you can find it in the newspaper =P

Holiday Part A: The Beginning

2007-01-06T01:50:00.000+09:00

It’s just the beginning of my holiday. However, I was put into my deepest sorrow?? Hahaha… not that bad, but I won’t deny that I am pretty frustrated now.

My heart, my mind and soul::
I don’t know why you always fussy about what I believe, or what my faith is. Why are you nagging me with all your stupid stories? I am not you, and you are not me. So, how the hell are you trying to change me?

Look at me! I know you can’t understand my body language. But, isn’t it obvious?
I don’t look stressed, yet my heart is painfully torn. I love you, but why do you start this hatred to grow? It is like you know me better than anyone else, yet you know nothing.

When you give me none but restraint, it’s not wrong to say that our relationship is not that good. I pity you because even though your idea seems flawless, the fact is that it will bring you to ‘nothing’. You make me answer the questions, make me swear, and make me refuse my heart. However, you can’t put me into your world.

Yap, I can’t utter these words. But I am thankful that I still have a place to share. At least my mind has cooled down for this moment.

2007 and holidays

2007-01-04T01:19:00.000+09:00

Yay!!! I know it's kinda late to wish "Happy New Year 2007" now. But yah, I did it!! Hahaha...Ok, I wish all the best for this new year. Something special, something amusing, something exciting will brigthen your heart all over the year..

Anyways, I am in my sweet hometown now, trying to spend my holiday wisely. Hahaha.. honestly, I don't know what I have been doing. I feel that even though I am on holiday, I still cannot totally 'rest'. It's really weird to say this, but I don't feel any excitement when all my family surrounds me. I am not saying that I am not happy or glad to see them. It is just... I am feeling insecure, and sometimes I play a role that the truth wasn't me at all.

I really have a lot of time here, yet I haven't made my new year resolutions or whatsoever. I don't know why, but it seems that I am running away from 'the burden'. Fiuh... If you don't get what I mean, forget what I've written above. I don't even know what I am whinging about. I am so tired now, very sleepy.. Since Li-Shan can't go online on MSN, I think I will sleep early today. Haha... I love sleeping at these kinds of situation. And these past few days, I did sleep very often.

Sejenak dalam Pikiranku

2006-12-16T13:36:00.000+09:00

Bila aku melihat ke belakang, melihat segala penyertaanNya dalam diriku, aku hanya bisa tersenyum sendiri. Aku dalam 'kekuranganku', namun sedikitpun aku tidak pernah hidup dalam kekurangan. Semuanya tercukupi meskipun tidak terlihat akan mencukupi.

Seketika aku berpikir akan masa depan itu. Dia yang begitu kuat pengaruhnya dan selalu menghantuiku di masa yang lalu. Namun, tidak. Hatiku menjerit tak setuju. Akankah itu terjadi bila aku hidup bersamaNya? Apakah mungkin Dia tega menelantarkanku

Dan sama seperti Paulus berkata dalam 2 Korintus 5:7, aku ini hidup karena aku percaya, bukan karena aku melihat. Dan karena aku percaya, maka aku melihat kuasaNya yang ajaib. Sekarang ketika semuanya nyata, aku hanya mau percaya dan berserah. Aku mau bersamaNya dan melakukan kehendakNya. Amin. Aku bisa melakukan semua itu :)

"Serahkanlah segala kekuatiranmu kepadaNya, sebab Ia yang memelihara kamu." 1 Petrus 5:7

I am blessed

2006-12-12T14:12:00.000+09:00

I am so blessed. The word 'thank you' won't be enough to describe how grateful I am. Many things happened to me these past few days. And, I just feel that God has worked through people all around me (i.e. my dear best friend). I believe that there is too unrealistic to name all of them a coincidence.

In every little things, there is someone who always takes care of me (John 17:12). In every miracle I meet, I believe that it is simply a gift (Matthew 7:7). I don't know what to say anymore. Probably, what I want to do now is to be a blessing to other people. Yup. That's all I can do. And it's trueee, if He can bless me with His abundant love, He will do the same thing (or even greater) to you, to all the people who love Him. God whom we worship is same. He never changes all the time, and all the time He is good.^^

I am blesseddd.. Haha.. Thank you Jesus, I will always love You. Forever.

Am I in Love?

2006-11-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

Am I in love?
I hope not
No, No, thank you
It will be too hurting when I know the fact

Am I in love?
Oh please,
not at this time
I still wanna free up my mind for many fun things

Am I in love?
NO!
But, why does my heart beat so fast?
Well... that's probably...
love?
Ohhhhh Nooooo
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not
Full stop.

by luv_tigger (based on ~~true~~ feeling)
20112006

Photo Session I

2006-11-17T23:50:00.000+08:00

Photo blogging!
Yihaa.. All of these pictures below are taken long time back. But, I care to share them. Hihihi...

Bibimbap, my favourite food. Yatta!

Sushi. Second attempt. No, it was my third attempt. Not bad. But pictures can be deceitful. Hihihi...

Tiramisu a la Payal. Mmm... It was very nice. But it didn't turn out to be good when I tried to make it. >.< hiks!

Enough with the food. Let's see these voluntary models!

I feel like I am the best photographer ever! hahaha...

Guess who?

Who is this pretty girl? Hahaha...

Ok. Ok. enough for today's photo blogging. I am so tired. I have to wake up early tomorrow (for dimsum ^^). hehehe... Ciao!

A Summary of These Weeks

2006-11-17T21:35:00.000+08:00

Yup this blog is kinda a summary of what I have been doing for these past few weeks. I can't believe I have abandoned my blog!!

Ok, never mind, anyway I have quitted my baskin robbins job. I am still in two-week-working time after my notification. So... by right, next week would be my last time working there. Yup, I am just thinking probably some people think I am not grateful or whatever. I don't know that it is right or not. But for me, I don't wanna stuck in the same stage where I cannot develop myself. Second reason, of cos, I want a better paying job. I found one. Thanks to dear Payal. She helped me in getting this job. It is much better, I think. The pay is two times higher than baskin robbin's. Hehe... It is stocktaking in Myer. It doesn't deal with customers as much as baskin robbins' one. But, I must say that you learn the management of a department store. Nice.

Next thing, I finished my law (PR) and japanese exam. So far, I've done my best. For my japanese, I really hope that I will pass with flying colours. Hmm, yoroshiku onegaishimasu, sensei - Please be kind to me, sensei. Yap, you know, japanese is the only unit that I can put my hope in. PR units... argh... I dunno what to say. My mark is not comparable to the effort I have put into my assigment. I am not tired of trying to do better though. This summer holiday, I will study ahead my next PR unit. I know it sounds scary, but I don't care, I really hate when I can't do the things that actually I have to be able to do them.

And, last but not least, can I talk about... what has happened in Curtin lately. It is pretty sad. There was a tragic incident that was a sudden death of a girl. Her body was found in the CIC building area. There were no signs of murder nor any attack (so it must have been a suicide). Argh... isn't it scary? It is really freaking me out. The fact that I always pass the building and step on THAT ground, I think, will be enough to make me shiver. Anyway, why why why... of all the choices in this world, why it must be ending your life in a tragic way. Well, I am not saying that choose another less painful way rather than falling down from a building. Taking baygon is much better. NO! NO! I believe that even though life is very hard, there must be meaning behind it. It is not like we are here, humans are here, for no reasons. Yup, I must say that this kind of things relates to my belief. I am thankful that after I receive a wonderful grace, I never think of suicide anymore. I do believe there is a purpose for every breath, and there is love for every life. Happiness, sadness, loneliness, togetherness are just parts of your life. They will always be there. And it is your will to choose...

After Some Time

2006-10-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

Hi again. I can't belive I have never blogged for the past three weeks. Anyway, the story goes on. After struggling to find a job. I got one. Yea...
I work in baskin robbins now. Well, even though I am still in training, I think I will get the job =) so optimistic.

However, I don't know why. I just feel the job is not the one that I want. Well, apart from my financial condition right now, I HAVE to work. I think it's just human nature that humans are hardly satisfied =(

And... what do I want to say next. Ah, I'll have a volunteer job's intervew. Haha.. among all the job matters, I got this one. I really have no idea why I am doing this. It is not simply I want my PR application to be granted or what. I have been thinking like this... how can I get when I never want to give.
Fiuh... That's probably a good reason to start volunteering.

It's screaming

2006-10-01T19:37:00.000+08:00

Read this first::
I am just in my deepest blue, in my desperate mood. Please ignore this entry, I simply posted it since it calm myself down (at least). I know, in the future, when I look back to this, I will be very regretful.::

These past few days have become very bad for me. For the first time I feel very useless and shitty. Well, it is not the first time, I reckon. Two years ago when I was in high school, I felt so. I know when this stress comes to me, I would sleep a lot. Yup, I really hope when I open my eyes in the next few hours, I will be able to forget it or at least think positively. But, it seems to be very difficult in this situation. This problem, my way of thinking over some stupid matters, is still haunting me. It's still there when I wake up and... I really have no words to say.

I admit that it is all about jobs. Once my brain processes those things, I keep on questioning myself. And I couldn't help it. I can't understand how other people can get jobs easily, or how they can get two decent jobs at the same time, while I am struggling with my financial condition like an idiot. It is suck, and I HATE people saying that I ain't serious enough to look for one. Hate it when I've tried my best, when I've had my every desperate hope, when I've spent every single second, and all I got is nothing.

It irritates me a lot. And I started comparing myself to them. I have ENOUGH skils or sometimes BETTER than them, but why it is hard for me to even get one. It is damn sickening!

Seems that everything has gone worse... On top of all that, I've hurt everyone's feelings. I mean... them who are close to me. I just can't understand. One small matter could annoy me so much, and then I just can't even see the right thing. Everything is just wrong, what everyone's done is wrong, what I am doing is even worse. I hate this feeling. HATE IT!!!!

Arghhhh...see what I've done?!! I just sleep, wake up, sleep again and show my ugly grumpy face. I haven't even done my assignments that I should've finished during week break. Yet, I fall into the same problems over and over again.

Jatuh dan terjatuh lagi

2006-10-01T04:42:00.001+08:00

Hari ini aku merasa down lagi. Aku enggak ngerti gimana ngejelasinnya, sesuatu yang mungkin aku enggak mengerti kenapa, sesuatu yang mungkin juga aku tahu meski aku enggak yakin.

Apa benar mimpiku terlalu tinggi? Layaknya balon yang diharapkan terbang tinggi tapi kenyataannya untuk lepas dari pegangan saja dia tak sanggup. Sedih sekali ngeliatinnya. Beberapa hari ini, aku sendiri ngerasa aku harus belajar. Entah belajar untuk menaruh pengharapan pada yang benar ataupun yang lain, aku nggak yakin.

Akhir-akhir ini, setiap orang yang berarti dalam hidupku atau setidaknya orang yang aku anggap punya pengaruh besar dalam diriku membuatku kecewa. Ya, aku tahu kalau setiap dari kita adalah manusia. Yang masih mempunyai perasaan, ego diri dan emosi. Yang entah benar atau salah, masih mau mempertahankan argumen terakhirnya. Tetapi apa tidak terlalu kebetulan kalau kekecewaan ini datangnya berurutan dari mereka? Dan, bukankah kekecewaan itu timbul karena adanya harapan? Apakah itu berarti aku menaruh harapan pada manusia? Apa itu salah?

Aku sedih, falling into my deepest blue. Tapi tetep nggak tahu gimana melukiskan kata sedih itu. Aku akui kalo air mata ini menetes tanpa berkompromi denganku. Sejenak aku menguatkan diri untuk mempunyai harapan yang lain. Namun sekali lagi tidak ada balon yang lepas dari ikatannya. Lalu aku berpikir, apakah harapan ini benar adanya. Berpikir... kalaupun benar, jalan serumit apapun aku sanggupi. Tetapi itu tidak semudah itu. Aku jatuh dan itu sakit. Sakit sampai batinku menjerit cukup, sudahi saja, Tuhan. Jalan selangkah ke depan, aku saja tidak tahu. Di mana kaki ini menginjak, aku pun buta.

Ya, aku sedang belajar.

Kini, setidaknya aku lebih ngerti. Bahwa untuk menjalankan komitmen, untuk berjalan dalam janji, untuk membutakan mata ini, sangatlah susah. Ketika kamu melihat lingkunganmu yang serba 'itu', dirimu layaknya memaksakan untuk 'itu'. Tidakkah kamu bertanya-tanya setidaknya kamu mendapatkan bagian untuk 'itu'? Tapi akan semuanya itu, aku mau belajar dan juga mau diajar untuk melihat dengan mata rohani ini. Aku masih mau menaruh pengharapanku. Menaruhnya pada yang benar. Karena sebenarnya aku tahu, bahwa kenyataan akan pengharapan itu ada dan bahkan sudah ada.

and He told me so...

Randomness

2006-09-30T05:52:00.000+08:00

Gila dah pagi... I didn't sleep for the whole nite. Well, I was trying to study, to prepare for my freaking scary PR laws presentation, but it seems that my bad habit of slacking slows down my intention to study.

Anyway, I show you a pic taken from my window.

Fiuh...signing off soon. I am talking to Ayrin on MSN. Apparently, she is still 'on' after going for karaoke. Haha..so funny. Actually, I wanna post a serious entry, but I don't know why I am still writing rubbish. By the way, I must say...these past few days have changed Annice to be a Podcast addict. hihihi... Language podcast (Japanese and Chinese), definitely, is so amusing. I mean, this thing can improve my speaking skill, especially my poor chinese intonation. Woa...I am so happy.
Ok,ok, signing off now. I got to sleep very soon since I am going out in the afternoon. Ciao

An Excerpt from My Prayer

2006-09-20T10:00:00.000+08:00

I stand by the promises we made
I stand by the dreams I have
Once again,
when I open up the eyes of my heart
I see the truth of the future,
that lies in Your mighty hands

Yes, I am here with many problems that seem never-ending
yet You never let me drown in my uncertainty
therefore I could only say
Thank You, Lord
and amen

PR Blog and another blog (cont.)

2006-09-14T01:09:00.000+08:00

Anyway, I also want to make one for my japanese lesson. Will name it 'the development of annice learning a new language...'

Ok. please stop. rubbish. signing off now.

PR blogs

2006-09-13T20:51:00.000+08:00

I have been reading a few PR blogs since I got my first PR assignment. Well, I never knew that PR people used blogs a lot to express their opinions and I really think, some of them were great. So, I just got the thought of developing a PR blog as well. No worries, this won't be a temporary excitement, I wouldn't abandon my blog for no reasons.

Anyways, my point is... blogging will help me improve my way to express my PR thoughts. When I look back the very first time I did blog in blogger which was just a few months back, it was kinda weird. I used to have a Friendster blog. But it was Friendster. I mean...the content there was all about my poems, nothing to do with expressing my opinions (apart from the poems themselves).

First, it was because I wasn't used to say random things in a blog when people can just read like that. Second, I had to write it in english. Hehehe... please, dun laugh. It was just a matter of familiarity. And I do admit that I am slow in terms of technology, which definitely it is a disadvantage for a PR person. That's why, I need to learn a lot. And I dunno why I got this feeling. Am I right? haha... A good friend of mine told me to study instead of doing too much blogging. Well, at that time, I was thinking... Wait a minute, you're totally wrong gal! My course needs a lot of reading, to know what public opinion on what, to exchange thoughts or... whatever. It is not simply reading a rubbish.

So... I will probably make this blog during the Xmas holiday. I was thinking, it would contain global issues and national issues, I mean, Australia and my dear Indonesia definitely. Cool? Stupid? Any comments, support? Annice is incapable of blogging?:) It's alrite to say that. I am learning now to express my opinion and appreciate other's ^^.

Fun post

2006-09-08T18:10:00.000+08:00

This is definitely for fun only...
haha... I just tried the quiz from the website my friend gave me. The results were pretty interesting.

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love.

You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't?

You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back.

In fights, you seek compromise and back down from conflict. You always try to smooth things out.

You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

Your Love Life Secrets, Revealed

Your Deadly Sins

Sloth: 60%

Pride: 40%

Envy: 20%

Gluttony: 0%

Greed: 0%

Lust: 0%

Wrath: 0%

Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%

You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.

How Sinful Are You?

UntukNya (edit)

2006-09-07T00:21:00.000+08:00

Tuhan, aku sayang Kamu
Kalo bukan Engkau, mungkin aku enggak bakal sekuat ini
mungkin juga air mata ini enggak bakal pernah berhenti
Kalo bukan Engkau, aku udah mati-matian membenci diriku
mungkin juga aku bakal terlanjur mencintai dunia
Tuhan,
Engkaulah yang paling mengertiku
Walau kadang aku enggak mengerti jalanMu,
tapi aku tahu
bukan tersesat dan jalan buntu yang Kau sediakan
Tuhan, bapa dan sahabatku
Bapa yang mendidik karena kasihNya
dan Sahabat,
yang berjalan bersama dalam senang dan sedihku
Tengkiu Tuhan
Tiada yang terbaik dalam hidupku selainMu ^^

dug, dug, dug...

2006-09-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

dug, dug, dug...
dari sini kurasa
dan semakin kuat waktu kusentuh
kenapa ini?
ada apa ini?
aku rasakan...
sakit
dug, dug, dug
duh!
kumohon, berhentilah
aku tahu kau sakit
hal yang sama yang kurasa
karena itu
jangan seperti ini padaku
karena aku juga sakit

Hopes and Dreams

2006-09-06T19:01:00.000+08:00

Yea... long time no blog. haha... well, I am trying to recall my memories what has happened these past few days, perhaps there is some interesting things that I wanna share, but it seems I was unsuccessful to remember any of them.
Anyways, actually... I wanna write about my possible future that makes me a bit frustrated. Hiks! I hope I am not filling this blog up with a heap of complaints about my life. Basically I just wanna share or perhaps exchange thoughts with somebody.

Well, it started on last Saturday when I received SMS from my mom saying that our family's now having a financial difficulty. It seems that this whole one week or even few months before, my dad can't make any sales so that there is no income but ongoing expenses.

I dunno how to react to this kinda situation. I am worried... but worried about what. I am going back home without getting my degrees? I know it won't happen to me. So... I just plan that I will work during Christmas holiday this year. I am gonna stay for one month after the second semester finishes. I am NOT not going home. Indeed, I want to see my family at the end of this year.

So... when my mom rang me up yesterday, I asked her about that. And I think she agrees with me even though I could recognise a hesitant tone in her voice. But, apart from that matter, she really made me sad and frustrated. It is nothing wrong really to tell me about the things going wrong at home. I do wanna know what is happening and it is better to let me know than hide the problems from me and burst out everything once I go back.

I am really sad when she told me her views on certain points. I couldn't blame her for that. It is more like...I have to realize, have to remember that it hasn't finished. I mean... the battle hasn't ended.
Instead of cheering me up, giving me an advice, or whatsoever, she did tell me what she expected me to do. And that thing is really nonsense, illogical, freaking me out. I dunno what to say, but it seems I will make them dissapointed sooner or later.

Unhappy Moment

2006-08-28T20:56:00.000+08:00

Today my mood changed so easily. As usual I really don't understand it. I really hate when I have to admit that all the problems are just small things.

After some problems not long time ago, I got another one. And basically it is NOTHING at all, but it is simply a bad side of me. I always collect all small pieces of things that bother me from the beginning and create them into a totally new giant matter. And I really hate when I am in this mood, people do the things that I don't expect them to do even though they are not part of my problem.

Hiks! I really don't understand my own character. Why did I expect understanding from other people? And when I didn't get that, I started nagging all possible imperfect things. I started thinking this and that and asking myself what if I..., blaming A and B, feeling uncomfortable, demanding sympathy from others. Fiuh... Then I should ask myself Who do you think you are?

And the strangest thing about me is... I will be fine when I am alone for some time, then express what has been happening. Like what I am doing right now even though I never publish the entry.

Anyways, just ignore what I have just written above. I am feeling better now. But since I want to publish this entry, once again just don't take this seriously!

Korean Food 韓国料理 is My Fave!!!

2006-08-27T21:37:00.000+08:00

Yummy! I shall declare that my korean food is my fave ever... Sorry, I can't help. Bibimbap and all the BBQ meats are always so tempting even though I have just had them yesterday.

Mmm... Yummy!

Finally Li-Shan and Apple got a chance to try Annice's favourite food. I hope all of you loved the dinner. By the way, I have some pictures when we had dinner yesterday. Pictures of us, not the food! ^^

Me and Ayrin

Apple, Ayrin and Li-Shan. I was trying to take a picture of all of us but it was unsuccessful.

Thanks

2006-08-27T02:32:00.001+08:00

Thank You Lord for everything You have done for me
I am thankful for the salvation,
thankful for Your faithfullness,
thankful for the great of Your love,
thankful for every problems I am facing at the moment,
'cause it is only You
the one who makes all things are possible
I am here at this point of time
It is all because of You
and therefore,
I must not grumble at the situation I am in now

Freedom and Independence

2006-08-19T00:09:00.000+08:00

Regarding the 17th of August, lets talk about freedom and independence. Please keep your eyes on this entry, I promise you this won't be dead boring. I won't talk about Indonesia's history or whatsoever.

Ok. Let's start first with how I spent my day. This afternoon I went to my friend's church for Indo Nite, celebrating Indonesia's 61th anniversary. I can see they put the concept "casual celebration". From what I've seen, the members there intended to know the guests who they had invited. One word to describe it... brotherhood is an important part for them. I enjoyed it so much. So, in brief I enjoyed the show so much.

Now the important point is... I just remember that it has been one year since I was baptized in the 17th of August 2005. Just a bit of flashback, the freedom and independence that I got from that day will never go away as the time goes by. They are eternal and therefore I am so thankful.

I still recall that my friend told me after the baptism that the water had changed to blood when the pastor and I were in the pool. Of course, it is beyond your eyesight to see that. But I do believe that at that point of time I have been granted the happiness and special access (like Fiona said) to Him. And that is why, I should be free from all the things like fear, worry and sadness. Fiuh... i got that even though these past few days all those feelings badly stuck me. I myself see that they can come but can't stay any longer to destroy me slowly but surely.

Happy Birthday Indonesia!!

2006-08-17T04:09:00.000+08:00

Selamat ulang tahun Indonesia sayang. HUT RI yang ke (bentar, bentar...2006 kurangi 1945) 61 tahun.

You are 61 now!! Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the first time I celebrate your birthday here without upacara 17-an. Hohoho... I don't know that word in english. It is like ceremony to memorise the warriors from the past and how hard they brought this country into 'independence'.

Well, I hope all the best for Indo.
I pray for the goodness of the Goverment...please be more consistent in developing our dear country. NO KKN (corruption, collusion and nepotism) anymore. Don't you see we are poor now, so much debt and everything. Disasters are everywhere and you are still disastrous to your own country?? For the people... please, study harder... we have to end this kebodohan bangsa (uneducated nation). Don't you see people outside look down on you. They think we only can get the third place since we are one of the third world countries.

Ok. Now I am thinking.. how am I gonna celebrate your birthday? There is no bazaar in my kampung RT (residential area); there is no merah putih (lit meaning:red white) flag to show my respect; there are no games such as makan krupuk (eating crackers), tarik tambang (don't ask me, I don't know what is that in english) and so on. So how?

Well, I can eat Indonesian food then. It sounds great. Tomorrow I am going to eat Indonesian food to celebrate the independence day. haha... I'm loving it!

The 'Real' New Semester Part II

2006-08-17T02:41:00.000+08:00

I am feeling down again. If just now I played with that stupid IMVU (again), it was because I wanted to get rid off my infuriating course for a while. I don't know for how many times I feel down. I am wasting my time yet I couldn't help myself start to do all my assignments.

Are these the symptoms of giving up?
I am blogging now in the very early morning, sitting on my bed like an idiot and feeling that my hands are shaking terribly due to tense on my nerves (I guess, I am not trying to be smart). I think whenever I feel bad about the situation, I like to do some kinds of reflection on myself and other things. I also love to sleep a lot when I encounter problems that eat my head up. Apart from that, I feel that I am being upside down all over the time. Sometimes I am so enthusiastic about my public relations units. I tell myself that I am willing to face the challenge of my life. However, I could completely change my mind at any minute. I feel that I am fooling around for a bleak future. Like my Dad said, when I got a chance to be my own boss, I, for no apparent reason, chose to be an employee.

I know it is really wrong. There is no bleak future for me. But I am helpless when I think every possible detail that might happen to me. For example, this is my stupid thought ever (please, laughing is not allowed!), I pictured myself working in a company. The employer were Australians and so were the most of employees. I was thinking how I could get along with them. It would not be possible while at the moment I couldn't make friends with them at all.

Fiuh. It seems that I only see inside the box when the thngs are logical to me.

IMVU addicts

2006-08-16T02:29:00.001+08:00

Why did Annice always refuse to join IMVU even though she got heaps of invitation to join it? The answer is at this time (2:31 AM), she is still slacking around exploring how fun IMVU is.

Hiks! I must say this 3D thing is addictive. I knew it before that I would be so addictive once I play this things. And what... it is right that I can't stop this chatting thing easily.

Kyaa... stop! must stop!! I haven't read my tutorial work nor thought about what company I should do for my project. D***! And today actually is my busiest day of the week. I must be tired now, not excited to explore IMVU. Grr...All my plans have been completely shattered. I planned to study a bit after I went back from movie (today I watched Lake House). But it seems that Annice wants more fun and more interesting things to do.

Ok.Ok. I really have to go now. I'd better go offline ASAP. Ciao. I really really have to end this craziness.

blue monday or not

2006-08-15T22:26:00.000+08:00

Yesterday it was my bad day. Apart from heavy flu and dizzyness that I couldn't make as an excuse to skive my class, I really really had a blue day. I wanted to post one entry about what had been happening, but fortunately I didn't. I just reckon that the words I used is a bit harsh to describe the condition, to describe myself. Anyways, I still have it in my draft.

There is one thing that I wanna share with you about yesterday's problem. When I was struggling with the bad thoughts inside my head, I got SMS from one of my good friends. In the sms, she said that she felt touched because I had done some 'little' things for her. Well, I know exactly what she was saying. It was just about some goods that she really wanted to buy. But, she always ended up with buying nothing because she couldn't find the nice one. Then after some time, I found those things and bought one for her.

In the end of her message, she said that I was her true friend. That was really touching, especially when I was in my very bad mood. It reminds me of something that I read before... that something about very best friend. Deep in my heart, I just believe there is someone telling me 'I will do the same thing or even more than what you have done for her.

At that point of time, I just feel... a great joy coming to me.

Stress or Not

2006-08-07T08:52:00.000+08:00

These past few days, I must admit that I got stress easily. Well... the problem, that you might know already, is my PR course. I was telling myself for hundreds times that this was only the beginning (1st week in fact), why should I think badly whether I can pass this unit or not. On the other hand, I was thinking that because this was only the introduction unit to PR, I should have found it everything alright and enjoyable, not freaking me out.

I recall what my friends in Indo said about communication students in one of the universities in my hometown. They said it was one of the easiest courses (the other are marketing and management). And the students there only bother their appeareances instead of their brains. Well, I don't like the fact that the course I am doing is perceived as a useless one. But I have nothing to say when I compare that situation to mine.

It was wonderful, I might say... that most people in my tutorial were actively contributing their ideas while I only could turn my head from left to right and from right to left. I didn't know what the hell they were talking about.

Fiuh... this small matter shouldn't have made me frustrated. Anyways, apart from some people encouraging me to change major and the others supporting me in fighting back against this problem, I must say that I won't give up and change my major (to accounting). If I have to say what has become my consideration to study in Perth especially in Curtin uni. It is not because I have family or relatives or even friends here. It is not because Perth is my dream city either. It is because... when I call last year's memory to my mind, when I was desperately struggling to get my student visa with all the qualifications so that I could study in Curtin... It is all because I want to combine two degrees which are Public Relations and Japanese.

So can you imagine how much time I had spent on considering the right course for me? And when I did that, I know I didn't walk alone. I mean... I asked God for many times...
I said if this wasn't the right for me, then I would be ready to abandon my proposed dream and never get my student visa in two weeks time.

The 'Real' New Semester

2006-08-01T22:54:00.000+08:00

Hi again! Today I started my new semester in CBS. How was it? First impression? It was freakyyyyyyyy... hiks. I dunno why I felt so scared (well, actually up to now I still feel that). First time I came to the theatre for my first lecture, I could feel the aura of... DOT.DOT.DOT. I dont know myself.

It's just... I saw the number of Australians or Asian-Australian there. Yeah..Yeah.. you're right if you guess it is because of the language problem. I always think that the language used determines who you are making friends with, how you are doing the presentation and in very simple words, it determines your success in class, which if I can relate it, it affects your job, your future in 5 years later.

Well.. you can say that I shouldnt have thought that way. Or... you can accuse me of having no confidence, being single-minded and whatsoever.. It's just... I have nothing to say for this matter. But I have just realised that many people actually feel the same way too. First time in uni is tremendous, but being one among unknown hundred people in lecture building is scary.

And I guess... the worst thing is when one of my indo friends from CIC asked me to join her and the other friend for major project report. I dont think my respond was that nice. I was like.. telling her to mix with other people. I mean not all the members are Indonesians in our group. Fiuh, I don't like to do this actually. You know, for me it is difficult to get the right group's members. Experience from last semester, I was terribly suffering when I was put in the group of Hongkongers. But now, she asked me (well, she had never asked me before though) to form a group together but I did refuse her.

Oh NOOO...

Anyways, I have happy news after the bad things I have told you. I 'found' (well, I did read this passage before) something that can make me feel so much better today, something that stregthens me.

Proverbs 2:6-8
"For the LORD gives wisdom,and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.

O.. thanks Lord for telling me to be dependent on You for every problem I am facing now. Hehe...

-end-

The Transcript (Miss Indonesia)

2006-08-01T21:07:00.000+08:00

Can You Count How Many Mistakes that Nadine (Miss Indonesia) Made in Her Interviews?

This post is just for fun. I have no intention to make fun of Miss Indonesia though.
I got an email from my friend and I just did checking where it actually came from. So this one is from someone's blog. I simply copied it down.

What do you like to do in your spare time?
I like to do in my sparetime is going out with my friends, with my family
and sharing with the children like doing some act.. doing some
activities..eh..eh.. in social work, like campaign for them and campaign
for against discrimination of women, something like that.

What do you see yourself doing 10 years from now?
I see myself in 10 years a..eh. I see myself in 10 years later simply as a
Nadine and eh..doing something like or eh?being more mature and express or
explore myself and my potential and doing something for anyone el.. doing
something for me and everyone.. like I want to work for the Unicef so i can
be more active and give more attention for them.

Who is your idol?
My admi.. my admirer is mother Theresa, because ? she is so humble for me
and she had, she has a beautiful or ? wonderful personality. So I really ..
adore at? at her.. hehehe.

Your friends say you are?
My friends tells that I am friendly, easy going person, just simply person,
ordinary person and patient.

What do you want the rest of the world to know about your country?
Indonesia is a beautiful city.. so, you should go there to visit by
yourself, because we have a lot of beautiful beaches and the spectacular
mountain and? dramatic of history and? so the people. Because people of
Indonesia is really? is really welcome eh.. and really friendly because
they like to know more about other country, other belief, other ideas?.so,
come to Indonesia and feel it and we open?we open our arms to come to
Indonesia.

Well, I don't know what to say. I was spending my time during lecture on reading hundreds of comments about her suitability to be crowned as Miss Indonesia. In brief, there are so many pro and contra arguments about it. In my opinion, Miss universe candidates must be able to speak English properly. Some minor grammar mistakes are tolerated; having an accent as well. But NO NO if the whole world (or dari sabang sampai merauke) may have laughed at her.

I am not saying that my English is better than hers or what... I notice that I often made grammar mistakes and said 'alien' words (wrong pronunciation) whereby my dear housemates cannot understand at all (e.g. 'procedure' may become 'prostitute'). And I have no courage at all to speak chinese even though I know Chinese words. But its just Annice's opinion... the 'expert' linguist =P.

Speechless

2006-07-31T00:47:00.000+08:00

Tuhan...
huuu... duh, mslh ini resek banget seh...
some small matters also bother me so much.
I hate this!
I really don't know what to say
I think it's right to say... ada orang yang bukan kristen lebih baik daripada orang kristen itu sendiri. well, I dun wanna debate over this issue here. It's just... terkadang integritas seseorang aku enggak ngerti harus bagaimana mengukurnya. Dan bagaimana harus melakukan apa yang seharusnyaaku lakukan. fiuh... I wish I could give you an example what I had experienced.
It is just... in a certain point I am feeling... fed up with this. This means...the people, ok not really, the situations... I dunno myself.
I hope this kind of matters won't be piling up in my mind. I am really afraid that one day I can't bear and I can become very very rude..

- end -

Beautiful

2006-07-30T13:30:00.000+08:00

What a beautiful day!

I've got a wonderful blessing. He says that I am beautiful and therefore I feel like I am on top of the world.

He looks inside me. He knows what behind the mirror. There is a girl with a broken personality. He knows every inch of my heart. My strengths and weaknesses. I was trying to look 'beauty' in the mirror while actually in His eyes I am pretty.

Honestly, I don't know the reason for that. When I look back, I never realised that I was looking something to hide my low self-esteem. I hate to admit that. I thought that most girls want to be a cinderella. Nothing wrong with that. But I didn't know that it would inhibit me to grow stronger and maturer.

Anyways, I hope I can tell you more what is really happening. hehe... I will. Because I will never forget this experience.

Looking for a job

2006-07-24T15:42:00.000+08:00

annice is looking for a job. a suitable one. hehe... but annice still cant find it the rite one now.

anyways. I am really very keen on getting a job. I have applied in two places. Both of them are Japanese restaurant. well, lucky there is no requirement to speak japanese otherwise I will be kicked out in the first step of the selection.

if only. if only. if only. I could speak japanese very very well. JLPT level 1 maybe. Then I could work in Jaws (japanese restaurant which needs staffs speaking japanese).

hehe..

In Perth again

2006-07-17T15:19:00.000+08:00

Woa... I haven't blogged since I came back from Indo. You notice that...haha... But I wont abandon my blog. definitely.

Anyways... back from holiday. How do I feel?? Well, i would say its a short holiday. between sadness and happiness... it is very hard for me to leave home and my family (of course). on the other side, I am so happy because I can see lishie and apple again. Hehe... after some people always said that we wouldn't be able to meet again due to some REASONS. But it did not happen, rite?

BTW, since I have missed my class twice, I had to see CIC student advisor today morning. I had never seen her before except for the orientation. But she reminds me of my high school teacher who was in charge of students and rules. So freaky...
But...to my surprise, I went to her office this morning, prepared with all my make-up reasons (some were really stupid, I think). I only met her for about... 3 minutes. Haha... She just told me not to miss any class again otherwise I will be sent to DIMIA. DIMIA?!!! no... that's why I had been really afraid before. I don't wanna go back indo before I get my degreees.

Dalam Duniaku (anak autis)

2006-07-08T20:11:00.000+08:00

waktu-waktuku adalah ketika aku tidak mengerti
aku terduduk di tepi meja makan detik itu
gembiranya menyantap makanan kesukaanku
kesenanganku adalah ini,
kehidupanku adalah berada di dalam duniaku,
di mana hanya ada aku dan 'kesukaanku'

dunia itu
tempat teraman di mana aku bisa bersembunyi dari yang lain
dari mereka,
dari ibu dan saudaraku

mereka yang sedang duduk di ujung meja makan yang lain
dengan nada tinggi, mereka bertukar kata
begitu mengganggunya mereka menunjuk aku
sekali
dua kali
sampai pada puncaknya waktu mereka menangis
mereka memandangku dengan tatapan itu

tapi apa salahku

biar
aku tidak mau peduli,
aku masih mau menikmati kesukaanku
menjelajahi lezatnya daging yang ada di piringku

tidak
jangan lagi
mereka menyebut namaku
mengusikku dengan cerita mereka

terhentak kusadar aku beban bagi mereka
100 kilo? 200 kilo?
beratkah untuk mengangkatnya?
samar untuk menangkap cerita mereka tentangku
namun aku tahu itu bukan suatu yang baik

kutatap wajah ibuku,
sedih
kupandang kakakku,
pucat
kuamati mereka
dan ingin aku menjelaskan kalau aku mengerti
tetapi tidak
aku tidak bisa
duniaku ini...
aku tak ingin menjauh darinya
terlalu aman
terlalu nyaman

sudahlah
aku tak mau tahu lagi
biar, biar aku di sini
tinggal di dalamnya
aku tenang

Mt. Kawi

2006-07-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

Hi. Hi. Hi. I would like to share my story during my trip few days ago. I went to Mt. Kawi areas. Well, I think not many people know where it is. It is a mountain or perhaps a mountainous area in East Java (my province). I am not so sure. haha.. But for sure, it is a 'religious' place. I'd prefer to say 'religious' than religious. Okey. It is just a warning before I start my blog. I dont wanna sound offensive or what. I will write about this place. And all of the rituals there (and whatever) are against my faith. So, if it is too sensitive for you, please *begging* do not continue.

First let me show you some pics, may I? =)

This place is like a long way from point A down there to point B. This one I took the down way side.

this picture I took from outside my hotel to the top of the mountain.

Fiuh. I dunno how to start. Well, let me start with the introduction which is the background and the history first (sorry, lame). My parents love to go to this mountain. I would say that they have been there even before I was born (meaning when they were dating). Really, nothing wrong with that. If you wanna go there for a good scenery and fresh air, it is good to spend your time there. But...more than that, a big NO.

Mt. Kawi has sacred places like chinese temple, mosque and cemetery at the top of the mountain area. And this one.. I dont know whose cemetery is that. I read a bit on the front gate. It is written Nyi, Eyang,... (words to call old javanese people) while most of the explanation is written in hanacaraka (javanese characters). Well, I admit that I never paid attention to my javanese class during junior high school. It is very hard for me to read these characters. haha..

On the specific days, people come to this cemetery to do WHAT. To do all the rituals. They put chicken and goat with the rice on the alter in front of the cemetery. Well, I would say these bodies have a good taste on food, man!! I know because I have been inside once with my mom. At that time I didnt know God, so who cared if this thing was wrong. But up to now I still dont understand what it is for. I know from either my experience or the book I read that they ask for something to them. Something might be wealth, success, happiness, welfare and so on. Shoot (like Lishie says). This thing is so damn scary. Dont you think it is scary? I am not afraid, like many people say, if you dont respect them, they can do something to you. NO, I am not afraid (I dont wanna challenge though). I am more afraid of God's wrath and the curse caused.

You know what. I am really really sad if I think of this matter. I... speechless. Actually, this actual thing is even worse than the one I told you just now. I dont think I have enough space in my blog to tell my heart... sorrow.

Indo Food

2006-06-30T00:26:00.000+08:00

Let me introduce Indonesian food. Well, I took this picture this afternoon. This one was for my lunch in Malang (a small city, 2 hours from Surabaya by car).

I want to show you how indonesian food looks like. Anyways, looking only no sample given..haha...sorry.

dreams2

2006-06-27T22:16:00.000+08:00

Hehe... I am still talking about my dreams here. Sorry, guys. I don't know why but I am really keen on telling you all the details about my dreams. Haha...

Now... moving along to my dreams related to my course. I am still in my first year uni. In my third year uni, I hope I can get student exchange with its scholarship in my third year. I know it will be hard. Since the head department of language course said that there would be so much competition, I was thinking how I would be able to get that. When I reach level 3 for japanese (most probably intermediate-advanced level), other student might reach higher level than me. That's why these days (including my days during holiday) I need to study japanese. I need to study more kanji characters and others. But as you can see here, I am still daydreaming, doing nothing yet slacking. Hiks! I need motivation.

And this is about my public relations course. Hehe... You can laugh your head off. No harm because I also think that this is impossible. Okey. I picture myself working in multinational company or perhaps japanese company. I worked in the marketing department as a public relation. And... ok, ok. I don't want to continue. Such an embarrassment.Hiks.

Ok. enough. end of story. well, actually I still want to tell you about my dream guy. Ah....I am so embarrased. No. No. Next time I'll tell you, ok. Not now. Ciaoo...I have to go. I am so sad now. I don't know what's wrong with my MSN and YM. I cannot chat with lishie using both of them. Fiuh...I have to send her email then.

dreams

2006-06-27T01:56:00.000+08:00

Today i spent most of my time at home. Since my mom was busy with her cooking (lontong mie), I also had nothing to do. In fact, I do realize that I am slacking nowadays. I never follow my stupid timetable that I made for myself. Haha...sounds so stupid.

Yes, anyway. I went to Gramedia (bookshop) today. I bought books...emmm english books, specifically. To be honest, I really want to improve my english, to correct my poor grammar and to increase my limited vocabulary. But in the end, I couldn't find any books that suit me. hiks! I think english books with indonesian authors and publishers are very poor. In my opinion, the books only suit people with certain levels of english. But definitely not the advanced level. I am not boasting myself by saying indirectly that I am in advanced level of english. For my goodness, I just cannot buy them.

Then I bought another book. Guess what?? It is a marketing book by Hermawan Kartajaya. He is a famous marketer in Indonesia. I know him (it is quite funny) because my brother likes this stupid radio channel. And that channel is actually about business. So I always listened to that until I remembered his name. Haha.. I really dont know what made me buy the book. My major (PR) is under marketing. But I dont think I will be that excited to fill my holiday with a marketing book.

Lastly, I bought a teenage magazine. You know what attracted me to buy that. It is because it is written in the cover 'tips to become a novelist'. It just reminded me of my abandoned dream. I dont like saying my cliche complaint. But I was so busy last semester. And I have a lot of things to achieve in my head. My level of japanese language, for example. I am trying to learn kanji even before my course teach me. Also, my working things, I want to work but up to now I dont have one. You know, everytime I ask my dad or my mom for money, I feel very bad. Besides, my mom is working now. I shall think ahead how I am going to earn my money in the future. All of these things simply blurred my dream to become a novelist.

Still about my dream. During these past few days, I was thinking of getting PR in Australia. I know it wont be that easy. Firstly, my parents wont like this idea. Secondly, my course wont make it easier for me to get PR. The 'points' (that what people say) wont be enough to get PR. So I was thinking and thinking. I must work. So I can save my money up for my future. Anyway, its just one of my dreams.

Hiks, I wanna write alot actually. But lishie already asked me to sleep NOW. Fiuh, ok ok. I am hungry, dun want to slp. ok. continue tmr. BYEEEEEEEEEEE

Journey

2006-06-22T20:49:00.000+08:00

My journey to home
Today is one of my worst days. I dont mean that I blame GOD for giving me such day. Its just.. ok let me tell you
The morning was still dark. I woke up at 5.30 by the call from the cab! At that time, I should have been on the cab going to the airport. The gloomy morning pehaps manipulated me to keep on sleeping. But still I had put alarm the nite before I slept. And stupid me, always, couldnt wake up by the alarm.
But actually I am thinking now, it might not have been completely my mistake. It was possible that my faulty mobile couldnt ring at that time.

So can u imagine how panicked i was. I still had to wash my face, take out yoghurts from the fridge, take out my clothes from the dryer, do this, do that. YUP. so the point, i really, really lost myself today. and hopefully I didnt hurt my friends' feelings because of my overeaction.

This stupid incident made me feel very bad all the times before, during and after my flight. I wanted to say sorry but I didnt have credits. And if I did have credits, I still couldnt text them because of my spoilt mobile phone. I was thinking and thinking of nothing. I really hate this. I wanted to use 'warnet' (internet cafe) in denpasar to contact them and I was walking from international terminal to domestic one, and the other way round. Finally i found it, BUT, the cost strangled me slowly but sure. It cost Rp. 25000/15 mins, which was equal to AU$4/15 mins. NO, NO. I was so shocked. 15 mins wouldnt be enough to write all my 'apologize' e-mail. So finally I was stuck in the domestic airport, sitting in front of the check-in-luggage desk. It was too early so I couldnt check in and got rid of my 'heavenly' luggage. hiks! It was so terrible.

That's why, that's why I hate traveling alone. Whenever i traveled by myself, there was always some stupid things happened to me. Hiks! Like last christmas, my flight was delayed for 6 hours! I was so frustrated. But lucky, I have my wonderful friends accompanying me. And then, in denpasar today... another hiks! i was in transit for another 5 hours plus 1 hour delay. That was because the plane was all of sudden trying to stop during take-off. I was so scared for a moment but I remembered that actually I wouldnt die at this young age. Thats why I felt secured suddenly. :)fiuhh... i am thinking now.. i should change my carrier from Garuda to.. dunno.. SQ? hehe..

After that, on the plane...I WAS PLACED next to young couple. Thank you to whoever gave me this seat. GRR.. First time before the take-off incident, the guy was sitting next to me. And after the delay thing and we went to the plane… it changed the lady was sitting on that place. You know what that meant.. That meant they were too afraid if I molested the guy. EUW!!! Sorry, I know I am too fussy, sensitive, whatever. But the truth is I can read people's body language. I know from the way they were looking at me, they gave me a suspicion look. KYAAAA... Whatever, that's my journey, all the 'outstanding' things that I had to go through before reaching home. ^^

random post

2006-06-22T01:39:00.000+08:00

I have just realised that my blog layout in my home computer is so ugly. It is in a yucky color (bright yellow) not the one in my laptop, a nice soft peach color. What's wrong? Can someone also tell me whether you are seeing the same thing as me?
Also, I noticed that I had put twice the same message in my tagboard. AIYAAA!!! I feel like reseting the whole tag board!!

Anyway, I am on holiday now. well, not actually a TOTAL free holiday since I still have to do some things ^^. and stupid me, as usual, forgot to bring her laptop from perth. so now I miss my work, my songs, my dictionary and everything in there so much. fiuhh..let me tell you a decent action that... my very kind bathroom mate wants to parcel my laptop to indo. NO, NO, NO thanks. I am not that desperate until I couldnt live without it. It's okey lishie. ^^

my bro

2006-06-18T01:02:00.000+08:00

A few days back, someone reminded me of my brother. When I was walking with lishie and her mom in Carousel, I saw an australian teenage boy on a wheelchair. Actually, I had seen him before somewhere, on the bus and maybe in city train station as well. I am really sure last time he didnt sit on the wheelchair.

He resembles a lot my brother. Apart from the race, he is tall with long-shaped face. He is not as skinny as my brother but in some ways he looks like my brother. The way he looked around is like rolling his eyes, really like my bro. And that's why I came to my conclusion that he was also abnormal (i dunno what a good word to describe it).

I was thinking of my brother's future yesterday. I dont know what made me think this way, but i hope i can bring my brother here one day. I know its maybe too late. All i know about autism, when autistic kids grow older, they understand better than when they were young. So, i was thinking... maybe I wont have time to bring him here in Oz to get a better treatment. By the time I become a successful career woman, he will probably have been a young man (ready to get married^^). sorry for thinking like that. hehe...

Overall, it is one of my dreams so far (all for my brother's goodnees). I'll tell in my next post all the details about my dreams ^^. Indeed, I want to get PR and stay in Perth.. and above all, I wanna walk on the way that God has prepared for me. ^^

about today

2006-06-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

I have just come back from a big dinner today. Well.. after youth service, we went out to Northbridge to have dinner together, which were held to appreciate whoever helped the church's anniversary last may. Actually I'm still hungry now...haha.. I didn't eat much. thanks to the waiters in that resto. Its kinda.. dunno what to say. Out table didnt get vegies and rice while other tables got them. thanks, man.

Anyway, this is what i wanna talk about. It's about the preacher today, a lady that I had never seen before. She was talking about Bethel. But frankly, I don't really understand the point of it. I think... she talked, talked a lot of things until it covers the entire topic of Christianity. The topic was too broad. She was talking about angels, relationship with God, etc. The second point, sorry, I don't like her tone. The way she talk is like... I dunno how to describe, but its like a poetic language for me. And when she talked in a high tone, it reminds me of one thing that makes my mom hate christians. Because when they talk about their religion, they seem to force the idea of it. And therefore, I dunno why, suddenly I don't like the preacher either. I was thinking that people like her that made my Mom think in a negative way. Ya...Im sorry, I hate prejudgement. I tried not to but couldnt help it.

Lord..

2006-06-11T17:12:00.000+08:00

You are the maker of the universe
You know me even before I was born
You call me by my name
You understand me more than I do
You are the one that I can trust
Deep in my heart, I want to grow in faith and trust

Vitamin A-Z

2006-05-28T21:32:00.000+08:00

Vitamin A-Z
Anxious? Take Vitamin A.
All things work together for good for those who
love God, who are called according to his purpose.
(Rom 8:28)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blue? Take Vitamin B.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me,
bless his holy name. (Ps 103:1)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Crushed? Take Vitamin C.
Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you.
(1 Pet 5:7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Depressed? Take Vitamin D.
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
(Jas 4:8)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Empty? Take Vitamin E.
Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts
with praise. Give thanks to him, bless his name.
(Ps 100:4)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fearful? Take Vitamin F.
Fear not, for I am with you, do not be afraid,
for I am your God. (Isa 41:10)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Greedy? Take Vitamin G.
Give, and it will be given to you. A good
measure, pressed down, shaken together,
running over, will be put unto your lap; for
the measure you give will be the measure you get back.
(Lk 6:38)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hesitant? Take Vitamin H.
How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of
the messenger who announces peace, who brings
good news, who announces salvation, who says
to Zion, "Your God reigns." (Isa 52:7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Insecure? Take Vitamin I.
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
(Phil 4:13)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jittery? Take Vitamin J.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday
and today and forever. (Heb 13:8)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Know nothing? Take Vitamin K.
Know this that the Lord is God, it is He that
made us and not we ourselves. (Ps 100:3)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lonely? Take Vitamin L.
Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
(Mt 28:20)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mortgaged? Take Vitamin M.
My grace is sufficient for you,
for power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor 12:9)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nervous? Take Vitamin N.
Never, no never will I leave you nor forsake you.
(Heb 13:5)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Overwhelmed? Take Vitamin O.
Overcome evil with good. (Rom 12:21)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Perplexed or puzzled? Take Vitamin P.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled,
and do not let them be afraid. (Jn 14:27)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Quitting? Take Vitamin Q.
Quit you like men and women, be strong. (1 Cor 16:13)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Restless? Take Vitamin R.
Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him. (Ps 37:7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Scared? Take Vitamin S.
Stay with me, and do not be afraid; for the one
who seeks my life seeks your life; you will
be safe with me. (1 Sam 22:23)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired? Take Vitamin T.
Those who wait for the Lord shall renew their
strength, they shall mount up with wings like
eagles, they shall run and not be weary,
they shall walk and not faint. (Isa 40:31)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Uncertain? Take Vitamin U.
Understand that I am (the Lord). Before me no god
was formed, nor shall there be any after me. (Isa 43:10)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vain? Take Vitamin V.
Vexed with unclean spirits:
and they were healed every one. (Acts 5:16)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wondering what to do? Take Vitamin W.
What does the Lord require of you but to do
justice, and to love kindness,
and to walk humbly with your God? (Mic 6:8)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
eXhausted? Take Vitamin X.
Exercise thyself rather unto godliness. (1 Tim 4:7)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yearning for hope? Take Vitamin Y.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you
art with me; your rod and your staff-they comfort me.
(Ps 23:4)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Zapped? Take Vitamin Z.
Zealous for good deeds. (Titus 2:14)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

taken from my email forwarded by Irene MS

cannibalism

2006-05-18T12:44:00.000+08:00

OMG. i think my indonesian language becomes very bad now. i forget many indonesian idioms. i make poor sentence structure. and i forget some words.

i am so sad!:((

Dun say its cannibalism! Like in marketing, new products must not take market share from the existing products. and what i am trying to say here, i am learning english, chinese and japanese then they decrease my ability to write in indonesian language. die!
no!
no cannibalism please!

'new' not new

2006-05-18T11:45:00.000+08:00

ahh... long time no blog...hehehe...

sebenarnya kapan hari tuh aku mau nulis tentang komitmenku. komitmen? kayak pernikahan aja. hehe... ok, kemauan kali ya.
kemauan tentang... belajar suatu yang 'baru' tiap hari.

actually last time i wanted to write about my commitment. commitment? no! i think
my willingness. my willingness to learn something 'new' everyday.

kenapa 'baru' bukannya baru?
aku sebenarnya belajar hal yang seharusnya sudah kumengerti. banyak orang yang tahu, otomatis aku juga tahu. orang banyak di sini maksudnya adalah lingkunganku. mereka yang mengajarku. tetapi ini yang baru aku sadari. aku mesti mengalami hal itu terlebih dahulu dan ketika itu aku akan mengerti yang SEBENARNYA.

why 'new' not new?
actually i am supposed to know and understand this thing. many people know; automatically i also know it. people here, i mean, my community. they are the one who teach me that. but now i realized that i had to experience before i understand the meaning of it.

ok, yang baru aku omongin itu tentang pentingnya baca alkitab, sate, atau doa. orang banyak yang adalah lingkunganku itu adalah gereja. so... beberapa hari yang lalu itu karena wonderful assignment (as usual), aku enggak sempetin buat baca Alkitab atau sate gitulah.

what has happened to me is how important to read daily bible or to pray. the community, i mean, is my church. so in past few days, because of my 'wonderful' assignment, i didnt have time to read bible.

alhasil...
aku sadar kalo pikiran manusia itu begitu mudahnya kemasukan ama yang namanya konsep-konsep duniawi. jadi ceritanya gini, sudah mulai dua minggu ini sih, di sela-sela sibukku (ciee) aku masih sempet2nya lho nonton film korea. hehe... dan nih film itu walaupun udah agak lama gitu keluarnya, tapi aku demen abis. duh..lutcu deh! hehe.. tapi kalau dipikir-pikir itu, (kalo orang jawa bilang) sangking senenge bisa-bisa....ga tau bisa apa...bisa lupa mungkin.

hebat ya aku. assignment banyak, tapi bisa nonton film korea eh, malah ga sempet baca alkitab. hebat!
fiuh... kerasa lho, kalo udah agak jauh ama Tuhan. dan kalo udah gitu, begitu mudahnya aku kembali ke kebiasaan buruk.

woa complicated ya. mungkin orang akan berpikir aku terlalu... sensi? atau apa ya? aku sendiri juga enggak tau. tapi yang aku mengerti sekarang orang enggak akan mengerti ketika mereka enggak ada keinginan kuat untuk mengerti. aku enggak bilang harus mengalami dulu baru mengerti. in my case here aku memang harus mengalami dahulu.

Takut, Ragu dan Bodoh

2006-05-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

I just know that I still have my previous blog in blogger.
so i just copied down my poem from that blog. ^^

Takut, Ragu, dan Bodoh
Ya Tuhan,
Ketakutanku adalah
ketika aku sungguh lemah,
ketika tak kumengerti dalam lemah ada kuatku,
dan ketika itulah aku mulai takut
masihkah aku mempercayai-Mu?

Ya Tuhan,
Keraguanku adalah
ketika egoku membumbung tinggi,
ketika telingaku memekakkan segala yang baik,
dan ketika itulah aku mulai ragu
Benarkah aku mengasihi-Mu?

Ya Tuhan,
Kebodohanku adalah
ketika tak kutahu liku jalan hidup,
ketika tak kulihat cerahnya masa mendatang,
dan ketika itulah aku sungguh bodoh
Apa hidup ini masih di tangan-Mu?

Ya Tuhan,
Kutahu semua ini salah adanya
Telah berdiri di atas pengertianku sendiri
Bukan sifatmu ‘tuk meninggalkanku
umatMu yang tidak berdaya
Karena Engkau Tuhan yang hidup
Tak akan aku takut, ragu, dan bodoh lagi

050605

dalam hati

2006-05-04T23:43:00.001+08:00

=an exerpt from my heart=
hari ini aku merasa muak untuk kesekian kalinya. ketika terkadang aku berpikir sampai kapan aku mampu bertahan dengannya. ketika itu juga aku berpikir semakin kuat aku bersabar semakin lambat datangnya hari cerah. jujur, aku sudah lelah. amat lelah. sampai kadang pikiran terburukku sudah tak terkontrol lagi. dan saat itulah air mata ini menetes tanpa ada yang mengomandonya.

ya! aku memang lemah. tubuh ini memang lemah. tetapi satu hal yang pasti jiwa dan roh ini kuat karenaNya. dan karena aku yakin tak selamanya aku tinggal dalam tubuh ini, sejak itulah kekuatan ini tumbul. kekuatan itu ada.

maafkan aku untuk mengeluh akan hal ini kepadamu. maaf. aku hanya terlampau sedih jika aku harus mengulang dusta yang sama bahwa aku tidak apa-apa. sungguh, aku tidak apa-apa itu bukanlah kata-kata yang kuinginkan.

bukan dusta yang ingin aku utarakan. jika kau tahu, bahkan hatiku yang penuh cacat ini berkata itu salah. walaupun demikian aku tak bisa melepaskan hal ini dengan mudah. aku mau lari dari apa yang tak kuingini, dari kecemasan dan ketakutan orang lain akan diriku. lalu semuanya itu akan berujung pada pengharapan yang salah. TIDAK! itu akan sangat jauh lebih menakutkan dari kemuakanku akan hal yang sekarang aku alami.

dilema.
jari ini sebenarnya masih dapat berlari di atas keyboardku untuk mengisahkan ribuan kata dari hatiku. namun aku mau berhenti mengaduh. yang kuartikan sebagai merengek atas kasihan.

berhenti.
+++++++++++.tamat.++++++++++++

i miss doing this. spending my time on doing my meaningless short story. hahaha... in my very bottom heart, i still wanna be novelist. one day! i hope i will sit in front of my laptop and waste my daytime on typing my story. hahaa... sorry, sounds so boring, but believe me... i really want to have that moment. such a lazy bone right??

be still

2006-05-01T11:03:00.000+08:00

Still by Hillsong

Hide me now
Under Your wings
Cover me
Within Your mighty hand

When the oceans rise
and thunders roar
I will soar with You
above the storm
Father, You are the King
Over the flood
I will be still know
You are God

Find rest my soul
in Christ alone
know His power
In quietness and trust

What a great song! i havent listened to it for quite a long time. This song reminds me of the bad moment i have been through before i came to Perth. and somehow it relates with what im struggling now.

Psalms 46:10
"Be still and know I am God"

Lingkupiku<
Lingkupiku dengan sayapMu
Naungiku dengan kuasaMu

Di saat badai bergelora
ku akan terbang bersamamu
Bapa kau raja atas smesta
Ku tenang sbab Kau Allahku

yesterday fun

2006-04-30T09:52:00.000+08:00

sorry guys, i really dont like complaining a lot in my blog..especially about my assignments etc. like today, what i'm doing is staying at home. i will reach the 'target' which i should have done yesterday and the day before. and dont say please i abandon church because of it. i've been out for the past two days to church. i know today is sunday service. perhaps its not the church i abandon, people may say i prioritize school work. fiuh! yes in some ways and no for umm... yap!

ok, let me talk about wonderful me yesterday. i went out the whole day. it doesnt matter actually if i dont spend money (believe me, i tried to control myself so hard). but finally i ended up with buying clothes (1 piece only,should be 3 pieces though), renting VCDs(yes, i know its ass period)and *** 3 digits number in my account. DIE!! now i really have to manage my finances wisely. Huh!

okey..continue to do my work. ciao!

procrastination

2006-04-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

no more procrastination

"procrastination is the thief of time"
i still remember what Mr. Philip always said to IEPOS students. but i think now i dont know how much time has been stolen. haha...
im wasting my time really. see what im doing now. blogging! even though i know i have 3 major assignments due on next next week, two of them i havent even started. like what i did yesterday, i wanted to achieve my target, at least 1/6 of my marketing assignment, i neither finished it nor typed even one word in my laptop!! since yesterday i felt a bit 'disorientated' (like li-shan dearie said), i think i really lost in my thought. fiuh! i dont know actually what i was thinking. what the main thing that is bugging me, i also dont know. perhaps, a lot of assignments. umm...not really, contribute a bit of it but really NOT because of that.so other things such as BLA! what??! may be i expect too much, hope for A, hope for B...and everything i wanna do nicely and yeah... i realize my weakness, im perfectionist in certain things.
so, finally i come up with my conclusion that the more i have work to do, the bigger tendency to waste my time, to do what i randomly wanna do. fiuh!! hope no more procrastination.

coming to 1 o'clock in the afternoon im waiting for my dear li-shan to wake up so we can go to library and fitness first together. but while im waiting, i still cant concetrate on doing my marketing assignment! HUH!! and i havent read scripture today!! okey, off now!

to be continued

'foruming'

2006-04-25T20:11:00.000+08:00

Woa... i have a lot of things to do. Yesterday, i only finished doing company research for my marketing project report. haha...and today im successfully slacking around like what im doing now. BLOGGING!! i should be doing my business communication report. Yea, another report!! Since this report remains untouched during this holiday, i have to finish it at least 25%??? ok, dun think i can. 20, 10% maybe..

anyway, i feel like having forum. fiuh, after a few days back, stupid me, i put my msn and yahoo id in my forum account. and a random guy just added me in msn...no, no, no!!! ok, i just wanna stick with one forum and ya...

*listening to shout to the Lord* oo... just now, i opened one forum (im looking for suitable forum for me. and i go to topic 'occultism'... and i found so many people dont believe in God. hiks! okey.. i know its a bit silly because its OCCULTISM, of coz gitu lho!!! haha... its just talking about this, it reminds me of something. actually, i was bugging me a couple of days ago but yea... *shut my mouth* cant tell you!

woa..i lop this song give thanks

fail unit = NOOO

2006-04-24T14:58:00.000+08:00

im stuck with my assignment
ive been looking for the information about coles supermarket since yesterday or perhaps 2 days ago?? from journals to www documents... and none of them is related. usually it is not so hard for me to search information. but now...i dunno, i cant concentrate at all, i dunno what im gonna do. i am stuck, stuck, stuck.
huuh, i know. if theres a prob bugging me, its like bugging all of me. and then i wont focus!!!

ok...i have to do it now.. finish research at least, so i'll know what im gonna write for my marketing report. dun wanna fail this unit, too much money, energy, time spent on it. NO, NO, NO... why im thinking like that now??? really, really depressed?? hope not, hope my brain is still working, at least still be able to think of how to get information about COLES!!! Huh!

akan kemarin

2006-04-24T14:33:00.000+08:00

hari yang harusnya cerah dimulai dengan segala keindahannya
bukan kesedihan yang menyambut hariku
ketika aku teringat akan masalah kemarin,
aku sudah memaafkan diriku untuk semua hal itu
aku terlalu pemurah?
mungkin!
ketika orang lain tidak bisa melupakan apa yang terjadi kemarin,
ketika mereka masih mengingat hal yang menyakitkan,
ketika belum ada kata usai,
dan ketika itulah aku tahu jika aku terlalu pemaaf akan diri ini
hal yang kubenci,
waktu masalah itu datang dengan sendiriya
saat itu juga dengan kebodohanku aku tidak mengerti apa yang terjadi
dan dengan kekuatanku yang paling lemah pula aku menerka
tetapi, lagi, dengan kekuranganku ini
maka akhirnya aku terjatuh juga
ke dalam perspektifku yang paling dalam
yang entah salah dan benar seperti warna abu-abu..

on Your shoulder

2006-04-24T13:40:00.000+08:00

dan kuberlari padaMu
pada FirmanMu
bukan kuat, bukan gagah
tapi oleh Roh Kudus
biar ku kan berlomba
sampai kupandang wajahMu
biar kuhidup hidup dalam kasihMu yang mulia

Ku Berlari PadaMu by Franky Sihombing

Lord, now i desperately need Your presence..
I am running to You like a broken child
I am looking for You even though I know You are Emmanuel
Lord, desperately need You
I know You are by my side
so... can i cry on Your shoulder?

friendship matter

2006-04-24T02:01:00.002+08:00

about yesterday's matter
as at 23 april 2006

do u know this format reminds me with my last semester unit, Accounting 100?? income statement! haha, anyway, umm...dun like this format

change!

1.0 intro
>> tempted to do bloging since i read mbak jes' blog..haha, i think i miss a lot of NEWS from you. YAP!
>> at this time, at this moment i should be doing my marketing reseach (i cant stand my groupmates abandoning it, but now i also do that, fiuh!)
>> should..no, no..MUST write this blog in english in order to enable some pple ^^ to understand my blog. haha..v easy to express everything in indo though. but, if i do write sumthing in indo language, it doesnt mean i dun want u to know. its jus apa ya dunno wat to say.

2.0 small matter
i was in my bad mood jus now. hiks2.. trust me, when im in my bad mood, i become easily irritated. ^^ sorry.
oh ya the reason why i was so sad, NO, so upset, NO, dunno...so WRONG maybe.
yup! i think its becos of this problems accumulating since the beginning of this semester. friendship and ya... hmm.. its jus very hard for me to hide disappointment may be. and whenever i started to see the differences between now and before, i became so sad. actually INDEED ive already told myself to stop my stupid sentimental feeling, but the fact i dunno why!!! i related everything based on that point. fiuh..disappointment! when i thought i was fine with it, the reality was not for me.
but promise, promise, from now on... have to stop! have to be more sensible!

3.0 reflection
i do believe from every moment, there is something i have to learn. call it the battle of life. longggggg way to go home. and so many hurdles on the way home..but i know God always walk beside me. so when i tremble and fall down, it is not because he leaves me but its because He wants me to be strong and rely on Him.
therefore for everything, i shall say thank you, Lord.

4.0 conclusion
stupid assignment format! reminds me heaps of work i have to do (management, marketing, and untouched business communication report)..haha cao! have to go and sleep since my bathroom mate has urged me to sleep (sorry, v v sorry, im wasting my time looking for blog template and stuffs instead of sleeping. oh thanks, anyway^^)

-DONE-

bingung

2006-04-08T11:29:00.000+08:00

aduhhh..bingung skale..
kalo dipikir2 pilihan itu ada gara-gara
1 pilihan itu ada kekurangannya...
maksudku, kalo suatu jalan begitu sempurnanya sampai semua orang memilih itu
pasti dalam hati ini ga perlu susah-susah mikir...
jadi kayak masalah ini, aku mesti mikir soalnya ada yang ga sempurna di dalamnya...
coba yang sempurna2...like harus mengikuti jalan the Saviour of my soul..
so ga perlu bingung2 kan...haha

wondering

2006-04-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

just wondering..
when i was put in this situation
i didnt know what to do
and i thought He didnt care about me
because He didnt change the situation for me
He didnt answer when i called Him in my prayer
but truly,
He does care about me
care too much
til He doesnt change the situation for me
it is just
because He wants me to change
to change my point of view into His point of view,
to change my weakness into His perfect power in weakness
to change me
and thats why i love Him so much..

XoO males...

2006-02-16T18:49:00.000+08:00

haha..post pertama nde blog ini...
dicoba2 dulu ya...ga kepikiran mau nulis apa..
pokok e apa seng ada nde kepala..wuaaaaaaa *yawning*
piro hari ini...wuahh sumpah malese...
males banget..sampe mau ngapa2in ae males...haha
rencana mau buat kartu valentine...eh sampe valentine lewat...kartune yo belon jadi blas (sorry ya kawan) haha...dah gitu mau baca buku ya males, skarang...ada bon numpuk nde depan..yo males ngitungi 1-1..
sakjane seh yo mbek ngeri pisan...melihat pengeluaran bulan ini...woaaa...
ngantuk...kali ini ga bakal males buat tidur..