Off.the.Record

Unhappy Moment
28.8.06

Today my mood changed so easily. As usual I really don't understand it. I really hate when I have to admit that all the problems are just small things.

After some problems not long time ago, I got another one. And basically it is NOTHING at all, but it is simply a bad side of me. I always collect all small pieces of things that bother me from the beginning and create them into a totally new giant matter. And I really hate when I am in this mood, people do the things that I don't expect them to do even though they are not part of my problem.

Hiks! I really don't understand my own character. Why did I expect understanding from other people? And when I didn't get that, I started nagging all possible imperfect things. I started thinking this and that and asking myself what if I..., blaming A and B, feeling uncomfortable, demanding sympathy from others. Fiuh... Then I should ask myself Who do you think you are?

And the strangest thing about me is... I will be fine when I am alone for some time, then express what has been happening. Like what I am doing right now even though I never publish the entry.

Anyways, just ignore what I have just written above. I am feeling better now. But since I want to publish this entry, once again just don't take this seriously!

Annice @ 8:56 pm
God loves you always
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Korean Food 韓国料理 is My Fave!!!
27.8.06

Yummy! I shall declare that my korean food is my fave ever... Sorry, I can't help. Bibimbap and all the BBQ meats are always so tempting even though I have just had them yesterday.

Mmm... Yummy!

Finally Li-Shan and Apple got a chance to try Annice's favourite food. I hope all of you loved the dinner. By the way, I have some pictures when we had dinner yesterday. Pictures of us, not the food! ^^

Me and Ayrin

Apple, Ayrin and Li-Shan. I was trying to take a picture of all of us but it was unsuccessful.

Annice @ 9:37 pm
God loves you always
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Thanks

Thank You Lord for everything You have done for me
I am thankful for the salvation,
thankful for Your faithfullness,
thankful for the great of Your love,
thankful for every problems I am facing at the moment,
'cause it is only You
the one who makes all things are possible
I am here at this point of time
It is all because of You
and therefore,
I must not grumble at the situation I am in now

Annice @ 2:32 am
God loves you always
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Freedom and Independence
19.8.06

Regarding the 17th of August, lets talk about freedom and independence. Please keep your eyes on this entry, I promise you this won't be dead boring. I won't talk about Indonesia's history or whatsoever.

Ok. Let's start first with how I spent my day. This afternoon I went to my friend's church for Indo Nite, celebrating Indonesia's 61th anniversary. I can see they put the concept "casual celebration". From what I've seen, the members there intended to know the guests who they had invited. One word to describe it... brotherhood is an important part for them. I enjoyed it so much. So, in brief I enjoyed the show so much.

Now the important point is... I just remember that it has been one year since I was baptized in the 17th of August 2005. Just a bit of flashback, the freedom and independence that I got from that day will never go away as the time goes by. They are eternal and therefore I am so thankful.

I still recall that my friend told me after the baptism that the water had changed to blood when the pastor and I were in the pool. Of course, it is beyond your eyesight to see that. But I do believe that at that point of time I have been granted the happiness and special access (like Fiona said) to Him. And that is why, I should be free from all the things like fear, worry and sadness. Fiuh... i got that even though these past few days all those feelings badly stuck me. I myself see that they can come but can't stay any longer to destroy me slowly but surely.

Annice @ 12:09 am
God loves you always
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Happy Birthday Indonesia!!
17.8.06

Selamat ulang tahun Indonesia sayang. HUT RI yang ke (bentar, bentar...2006 kurangi 1945) 61 tahun.

You are 61 now!! Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the first time I celebrate your birthday here without upacara 17-an. Hohoho... I don't know that word in english. It is like ceremony to memorise the warriors from the past and how hard they brought this country into 'independence'.

Well, I hope all the best for Indo.
I pray for the goodness of the Goverment...please be more consistent in developing our dear country. NO KKN (corruption, collusion and nepotism) anymore. Don't you see we are poor now, so much debt and everything. Disasters are everywhere and you are still disastrous to your own country?? For the people... please, study harder... we have to end this kebodohan bangsa (uneducated nation). Don't you see people outside look down on you. They think we only can get the third place since we are one of the third world countries.

Ok. Now I am thinking.. how am I gonna celebrate your birthday? There is no bazaar in my kampung RT (residential area); there is no merah putih (lit meaning:red white) flag to show my respect; there are no games such as makan krupuk (eating crackers), tarik tambang (don't ask me, I don't know what is that in english) and so on. So how?

Well, I can eat Indonesian food then. It sounds great. Tomorrow I am going to eat Indonesian food to celebrate the independence day. haha... I'm loving it!

Annice @ 4:09 am
God loves you always
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The 'Real' New Semester Part II

I am feeling down again. If just now I played with that stupid IMVU (again), it was because I wanted to get rid off my infuriating course for a while. I don't know for how many times I feel down. I am wasting my time yet I couldn't help myself start to do all my assignments.

Are these the symptoms of giving up?
I am blogging now in the very early morning, sitting on my bed like an idiot and feeling that my hands are shaking terribly due to tense on my nerves (I guess, I am not trying to be smart). I think whenever I feel bad about the situation, I like to do some kinds of reflection on myself and other things. I also love to sleep a lot when I encounter problems that eat my head up. Apart from that, I feel that I am being upside down all over the time. Sometimes I am so enthusiastic about my public relations units. I tell myself that I am willing to face the challenge of my life. However, I could completely change my mind at any minute. I feel that I am fooling around for a bleak future. Like my Dad said, when I got a chance to be my own boss, I, for no apparent reason, chose to be an employee.

I know it is really wrong. There is no bleak future for me. But I am helpless when I think every possible detail that might happen to me. For example, this is my stupid thought ever (please, laughing is not allowed!), I pictured myself working in a company. The employer were Australians and so were the most of employees. I was thinking how I could get along with them. It would not be possible while at the moment I couldn't make friends with them at all.

Fiuh. It seems that I only see inside the box when the thngs are logical to me.

Annice @ 2:41 am
God loves you always
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IMVU addicts
16.8.06

Why did Annice always refuse to join IMVU even though she got heaps of invitation to join it? The answer is at this time (2:31 AM), she is still slacking around exploring how fun IMVU is.

Hiks! I must say this 3D thing is addictive. I knew it before that I would be so addictive once I play this things. And what... it is right that I can't stop this chatting thing easily.

Kyaa... stop! must stop!! I haven't read my tutorial work nor thought about what company I should do for my project. D***! And today actually is my busiest day of the week. I must be tired now, not excited to explore IMVU. Grr...All my plans have been completely shattered. I planned to study a bit after I went back from movie (today I watched Lake House). But it seems that Annice wants more fun and more interesting things to do.

Ok.Ok. I really have to go now. I'd better go offline ASAP. Ciao. I really really have to end this craziness.

Annice @ 2:29 am
God loves you always
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blue monday or not
15.8.06

Yesterday it was my bad day. Apart from heavy flu and dizzyness that I couldn't make as an excuse to skive my class, I really really had a blue day. I wanted to post one entry about what had been happening, but fortunately I didn't. I just reckon that the words I used is a bit harsh to describe the condition, to describe myself. Anyways, I still have it in my draft.

There is one thing that I wanna share with you about yesterday's problem. When I was struggling with the bad thoughts inside my head, I got SMS from one of my good friends. In the sms, she said that she felt touched because I had done some 'little' things for her. Well, I know exactly what she was saying. It was just about some goods that she really wanted to buy. But, she always ended up with buying nothing because she couldn't find the nice one. Then after some time, I found those things and bought one for her.

In the end of her message, she said that I was her true friend. That was really touching, especially when I was in my very bad mood. It reminds me of something that I read before... that something about very best friend. Deep in my heart, I just believe there is someone telling me 'I will do the same thing or even more than what you have done for her.

At that point of time, I just feel... a great joy coming to me.

Annice @ 10:26 pm
God loves you always
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Stress or Not
7.8.06

These past few days, I must admit that I got stress easily. Well... the problem, that you might know already, is my PR course. I was telling myself for hundreds times that this was only the beginning (1st week in fact), why should I think badly whether I can pass this unit or not. On the other hand, I was thinking that because this was only the introduction unit to PR, I should have found it everything alright and enjoyable, not freaking me out.

I recall what my friends in Indo said about communication students in one of the universities in my hometown. They said it was one of the easiest courses (the other are marketing and management). And the students there only bother their appeareances instead of their brains. Well, I don't like the fact that the course I am doing is perceived as a useless one. But I have nothing to say when I compare that situation to mine.

It was wonderful, I might say... that most people in my tutorial were actively contributing their ideas while I only could turn my head from left to right and from right to left. I didn't know what the hell they were talking about.

Fiuh... this small matter shouldn't have made me frustrated. Anyways, apart from some people encouraging me to change major and the others supporting me in fighting back against this problem, I must say that I won't give up and change my major (to accounting). If I have to say what has become my consideration to study in Perth especially in Curtin uni. It is not because I have family or relatives or even friends here. It is not because Perth is my dream city either. It is because... when I call last year's memory to my mind, when I was desperately struggling to get my student visa with all the qualifications so that I could study in Curtin... It is all because I want to combine two degrees which are Public Relations and Japanese.

So can you imagine how much time I had spent on considering the right course for me? And when I did that, I know I didn't walk alone. I mean... I asked God for many times...
I said if this wasn't the right for me, then I would be ready to abandon my proposed dream and never get my student visa in two weeks time.

Annice @ 8:52 am
God loves you always
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The 'Real' New Semester
1.8.06

Hi again! Today I started my new semester in CBS. How was it? First impression? It was freakyyyyyyyy... hiks. I dunno why I felt so scared (well, actually up to now I still feel that). First time I came to the theatre for my first lecture, I could feel the aura of... DOT.DOT.DOT. I dont know myself.

It's just... I saw the number of Australians or Asian-Australian there. Yeah..Yeah.. you're right if you guess it is because of the language problem. I always think that the language used determines who you are making friends with, how you are doing the presentation and in very simple words, it determines your success in class, which if I can relate it, it affects your job, your future in 5 years later.

Well.. you can say that I shouldnt have thought that way. Or... you can accuse me of having no confidence, being single-minded and whatsoever.. It's just... I have nothing to say for this matter. But I have just realised that many people actually feel the same way too. First time in uni is tremendous, but being one among unknown hundred people in lecture building is scary.

And I guess... the worst thing is when one of my indo friends from CIC asked me to join her and the other friend for major project report. I dont think my respond was that nice. I was like.. telling her to mix with other people. I mean not all the members are Indonesians in our group. Fiuh, I don't like to do this actually. You know, for me it is difficult to get the right group's members. Experience from last semester, I was terribly suffering when I was put in the group of Hongkongers. But now, she asked me (well, she had never asked me before though) to form a group together but I did refuse her.

Oh NOOO...

Anyways, I have happy news after the bad things I have told you. I 'found' (well, I did read this passage before) something that can make me feel so much better today, something that stregthens me.

Proverbs 2:6-8
"For the LORD gives wisdom,and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He holds victory in store for the upright, he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones.

O.. thanks Lord for telling me to be dependent on You for every problem I am facing now. Hehe...

-end-

Annice @ 10:54 pm
God loves you always
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The Transcript (Miss Indonesia)

Can You Count How Many Mistakes that Nadine (Miss Indonesia) Made in Her Interviews?

This post is just for fun. I have no intention to make fun of Miss Indonesia though.
I got an email from my friend and I just did checking where it actually came from. So this one is from someone's blog. I simply copied it down.

What do you like to do in your spare time?
I like to do in my sparetime is going out with my friends, with my family
and sharing with the children like doing some act.. doing some
activities..eh..eh.. in social work, like campaign for them and campaign
for against discrimination of women, something like that.

What do you see yourself doing 10 years from now?
I see myself in 10 years a..eh. I see myself in 10 years later simply as a
Nadine and eh..doing something like or eh?being more mature and express or
explore myself and my potential and doing something for anyone el.. doing
something for me and everyone.. like I want to work for the Unicef so i can
be more active and give more attention for them.

Who is your idol?
My admi.. my admirer is mother Theresa, because ? she is so humble for me
and she had, she has a beautiful or ? wonderful personality. So I really ..
adore at? at her.. hehehe.

Your friends say you are?
My friends tells that I am friendly, easy going person, just simply person,
ordinary person and patient.

What do you want the rest of the world to know about your country?
Indonesia is a beautiful city.. so, you should go there to visit by
yourself, because we have a lot of beautiful beaches and the spectacular
mountain and? dramatic of history and? so the people. Because people of
Indonesia is really? is really welcome eh.. and really friendly because
they like to know more about other country, other belief, other ideas?.so,
come to Indonesia and feel it and we open?we open our arms to come to
Indonesia.

Well, I don't know what to say. I was spending my time during lecture on reading hundreds of comments about her suitability to be crowned as Miss Indonesia. In brief, there are so many pro and contra arguments about it. In my opinion, Miss universe candidates must be able to speak English properly. Some minor grammar mistakes are tolerated; having an accent as well. But NO NO if the whole world (or dari sabang sampai merauke) may have laughed at her.

I am not saying that my English is better than hers or what... I notice that I often made grammar mistakes and said 'alien' words (wrong pronunciation) whereby my dear housemates cannot understand at all (e.g. 'procedure' may become 'prostitute'). And I have no courage at all to speak chinese even though I know Chinese words. But its just Annice's opinion... the 'expert' linguist =P.

Annice @ 9:07 pm
God loves you always
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because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God - Romans 8:14