Off.the.Record

Speechless
31.7.06

Tuhan...
huuu... duh, mslh ini resek banget seh...
some small matters also bother me so much.
I hate this!
I really don't know what to say
I think it's right to say... ada orang yang bukan kristen lebih baik daripada orang kristen itu sendiri. well, I dun wanna debate over this issue here. It's just... terkadang integritas seseorang aku enggak ngerti harus bagaimana mengukurnya. Dan bagaimana harus melakukan apa yang seharusnyaaku lakukan. fiuh... I wish I could give you an example what I had experienced.
It is just... in a certain point I am feeling... fed up with this. This means...the people, ok not really, the situations... I dunno myself.
I hope this kind of matters won't be piling up in my mind. I am really afraid that one day I can't bear and I can become very very rude..

- end -

Annice @ 12:47 am
God loves you always
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Beautiful
30.7.06

What a beautiful day!

I've got a wonderful blessing. He says that I am beautiful and therefore I feel like I am on top of the world.

He looks inside me. He knows what behind the mirror. There is a girl with a broken personality. He knows every inch of my heart. My strengths and weaknesses. I was trying to look 'beauty' in the mirror while actually in His eyes I am pretty.

Honestly, I don't know the reason for that. When I look back, I never realised that I was looking something to hide my low self-esteem. I hate to admit that. I thought that most girls want to be a cinderella. Nothing wrong with that. But I didn't know that it would inhibit me to grow stronger and maturer.

Anyways, I hope I can tell you more what is really happening. hehe... I will. Because I will never forget this experience.

Annice @ 1:30 pm
God loves you always
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Looking for a job
24.7.06

annice is looking for a job. a suitable one. hehe... but annice still cant find it the rite one now.

anyways. I am really very keen on getting a job. I have applied in two places. Both of them are Japanese restaurant. well, lucky there is no requirement to speak japanese otherwise I will be kicked out in the first step of the selection.

if only. if only. if only. I could speak japanese very very well. JLPT level 1 maybe. Then I could work in Jaws (japanese restaurant which needs staffs speaking japanese).

hehe..

Annice @ 3:42 pm
God loves you always
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In Perth again
17.7.06

Woa... I haven't blogged since I came back from Indo. You notice that...haha... But I wont abandon my blog. definitely.

Anyways... back from holiday. How do I feel?? Well, i would say its a short holiday. between sadness and happiness... it is very hard for me to leave home and my family (of course). on the other side, I am so happy because I can see lishie and apple again. Hehe... after some people always said that we wouldn't be able to meet again due to some REASONS. But it did not happen, rite?

BTW, since I have missed my class twice, I had to see CIC student advisor today morning. I had never seen her before except for the orientation. But she reminds me of my high school teacher who was in charge of students and rules. So freaky...
But...to my surprise, I went to her office this morning, prepared with all my make-up reasons (some were really stupid, I think). I only met her for about... 3 minutes. Haha... She just told me not to miss any class again otherwise I will be sent to DIMIA. DIMIA?!!! no... that's why I had been really afraid before. I don't wanna go back indo before I get my degreees.

Annice @ 3:19 pm
God loves you always
------------

Dalam Duniaku (anak autis)
8.7.06

waktu-waktuku adalah ketika aku tidak mengerti
aku terduduk di tepi meja makan detik itu
gembiranya menyantap makanan kesukaanku
kesenanganku adalah ini,
kehidupanku adalah berada di dalam duniaku,
di mana hanya ada aku dan 'kesukaanku'

dunia itu
tempat teraman di mana aku bisa bersembunyi dari yang lain
dari mereka,
dari ibu dan saudaraku

mereka yang sedang duduk di ujung meja makan yang lain
dengan nada tinggi, mereka bertukar kata
begitu mengganggunya mereka menunjuk aku
sekali
dua kali
sampai pada puncaknya waktu mereka menangis
mereka memandangku dengan tatapan itu

tapi apa salahku

biar
aku tidak mau peduli,
aku masih mau menikmati kesukaanku
menjelajahi lezatnya daging yang ada di piringku

tidak
jangan lagi
mereka menyebut namaku
mengusikku dengan cerita mereka

terhentak kusadar aku beban bagi mereka
100 kilo? 200 kilo?
beratkah untuk mengangkatnya?
samar untuk menangkap cerita mereka tentangku
namun aku tahu itu bukan suatu yang baik

kutatap wajah ibuku,
sedih
kupandang kakakku,
pucat
kuamati mereka
dan ingin aku menjelaskan kalau aku mengerti
tetapi tidak
aku tidak bisa
duniaku ini...
aku tak ingin menjauh darinya
terlalu aman
terlalu nyaman

sudahlah
aku tak mau tahu lagi
biar, biar aku di sini
tinggal di dalamnya
aku tenang

Labels: Poems

Annice @ 8:11 pm
God loves you always
------------

Mt. Kawi
4.7.06

Hi. Hi. Hi. I would like to share my story during my trip few days ago. I went to Mt. Kawi areas. Well, I think not many people know where it is. It is a mountain or perhaps a mountainous area in East Java (my province). I am not so sure. haha.. But for sure, it is a 'religious' place. I'd prefer to say 'religious' than religious. Okey. It is just a warning before I start my blog. I dont wanna sound offensive or what. I will write about this place. And all of the rituals there (and whatever) are against my faith. So, if it is too sensitive for you, please *begging* do not continue.

First let me show you some pics, may I? =)

This place is like a long way from point A down there to point B. This one I took the down way side.

this picture I took from outside my hotel to the top of the mountain.

Fiuh. I dunno how to start. Well, let me start with the introduction which is the background and the history first (sorry, lame). My parents love to go to this mountain. I would say that they have been there even before I was born (meaning when they were dating). Really, nothing wrong with that. If you wanna go there for a good scenery and fresh air, it is good to spend your time there. But...more than that, a big NO.

Mt. Kawi has sacred places like chinese temple, mosque and cemetery at the top of the mountain area. And this one.. I dont know whose cemetery is that. I read a bit on the front gate. It is written Nyi, Eyang,... (words to call old javanese people) while most of the explanation is written in hanacaraka (javanese characters). Well, I admit that I never paid attention to my javanese class during junior high school. It is very hard for me to read these characters. haha..

On the specific days, people come to this cemetery to do WHAT. To do all the rituals. They put chicken and goat with the rice on the alter in front of the cemetery. Well, I would say these bodies have a good taste on food, man!! I know because I have been inside once with my mom. At that time I didnt know God, so who cared if this thing was wrong. But up to now I still dont understand what it is for. I know from either my experience or the book I read that they ask for something to them. Something might be wealth, success, happiness, welfare and so on. Shoot (like Lishie says). This thing is so damn scary. Dont you think it is scary? I am not afraid, like many people say, if you dont respect them, they can do something to you. NO, I am not afraid (I dont wanna challenge though). I am more afraid of God's wrath and the curse caused.

You know what. I am really really sad if I think of this matter. I... speechless. Actually, this actual thing is even worse than the one I told you just now. I dont think I have enough space in my blog to tell my heart... sorrow.

Annice @ 12:02 am
God loves you always
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because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God - Romans 8:14