Off.the.Record

It's screaming
1.10.06

Read this first::
I am just in my deepest blue, in my desperate mood. Please ignore this entry, I simply posted it since it calm myself down (at least). I know, in the future, when I look back to this, I will be very regretful.::

These past few days have become very bad for me. For the first time I feel very useless and shitty. Well, it is not the first time, I reckon. Two years ago when I was in high school, I felt so. I know when this stress comes to me, I would sleep a lot. Yup, I really hope when I open my eyes in the next few hours, I will be able to forget it or at least think positively. But, it seems to be very difficult in this situation. This problem, my way of thinking over some stupid matters, is still haunting me. It's still there when I wake up and... I really have no words to say.

I admit that it is all about jobs. Once my brain processes those things, I keep on questioning myself. And I couldn't help it. I can't understand how other people can get jobs easily, or how they can get two decent jobs at the same time, while I am struggling with my financial condition like an idiot. It is suck, and I HATE people saying that I ain't serious enough to look for one. Hate it when I've tried my best, when I've had my every desperate hope, when I've spent every single second, and all I got is nothing.

It irritates me a lot. And I started comparing myself to them. I have ENOUGH skils or sometimes BETTER than them, but why it is hard for me to even get one. It is damn sickening!

Seems that everything has gone worse... On top of all that, I've hurt everyone's feelings. I mean... them who are close to me. I just can't understand. One small matter could annoy me so much, and then I just can't even see the right thing. Everything is just wrong, what everyone's done is wrong, what I am doing is even worse. I hate this feeling. HATE IT!!!!

Arghhhh...see what I've done?!! I just sleep, wake up, sleep again and show my ugly grumpy face. I haven't even done my assignments that I should've finished during week break. Yet, I fall into the same problems over and over again.

Annice @ 7:37 pm
God loves you always
------------

because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God - Romans 8:14